A keen analyst: Thoroughly confused.Accepts new job assignments willingly: Never finishes a job.Active socially: Drinks heavily.Alert to company developments: An office gossip.Approaches difficult problems with logic: Finds someone else to do the job.Average: Not too bright.Bridge builder: Likes to compromise.Character above reproach: Still one step ahead of the law.Charismatic: No interest in any opinion but his own.Competent: Is still able to get work done if supervisor helps.Conscientious and careful: Scared.Consults with co-workers often: Indecisive, confused, and clueless.Consults with supervisor often: Very annoying.Delegates responsibility effectively: Passes the buck well.Demonstrates qualities of leadership: Has a loud voice.Displays excellent intuitive judgement: Knows when to disappear.Displays great dexterity and agility: Dodges and evades superiors well.Enjoys job: Needs more to do.Excels in sustaining concentration but avoids confrontations: Ignores everyone.Excels in more...
If only women gossip, how do guys and their buddies keep track of "Who's easy?"
A woman repeated a bit of gossip about a neighbor. Within a few days the whole community knew the story.
The person it concerned was deeply hurt and offended.
Later the woman responsible for spreading the rumor learned that it was completely untrue.
She was very sorry and went to a wise old sage to find out what she could do to repair the damage.
"Go to the marketplace," he said, "and purchase a chicken, and have it killed. Then on your way home, pluck its feathers and drop them one by one along the road."
Although surprised by this advice, the woman did what she was told.
The next day the wise man said, "Now go and collect all those feathers you dropped yesterday and bring them back to me."
The woman followed the same road, but to her dismay, the wind had blown the feathers all away. After searching for hours, she returned with only three in her hand.
"You see," said the old sage, "it's easy to drop more...
50 Things Women Would Do To Drive Men Crazy...1. Do not say what you mean. Ever.2. Be ambiguous. Always.3. Cry. Cry often. Tell them it's their fault.4. Bring things up that were said, done, or thought months or years ago.5. Make them apologize for everything.6. Stash feminine products in their backpacks and in their books as cute reminders that you were thinking of them.7. Gossip. Gossip about everything that walks.8. Play Alanis Morissette's "You Outta Know," loud. Look at them Smile.9. Look them in the eye and start laughing.10. Cry.11. Get mad at them for everything.12. Discuss your period in front of them. Watch them squirm.13. Hold grudges.14. Demand to be e-mailed. Often. Whine when they don't comply.15. When complimented, make sure to be paranoid. Take nothing at face value.16. Use daddy as a weapon. Tell them about his gun collection, his quick trigger finger, and his affection for his "little princess."17. Be late for everything. Yell if they're late.18. more...
A hardworking female executive dies and meets St. Peter at the pearly gates and he says, "You've shown an outstanding aptitude for making business decisions. Choose whether you will go to heaven or to hell.""I don't know!" she flounders."Tell you what," St. Peter says, "You can have 24 hours in heaven and 24 hours in hell. Then you have to decide where to spend eternity.""Okay then," she says. "I'll start with heaven since I'm here already."She goes in the pearly gates and makes some acquaintances. They have a nice walk among beautiful gardens. They have a nice quiet lunch. They have a nice stroll along a pristine, white, sandy beach looking out on brilliant blue ocean. At the end of the day she is shown to a nice room, and has a quiet meal on the balcony, looking out over the setting sun and the ocean. She marvels at the scenic beauty of heaven.The next morning, St. Peter takes her to the fiery gates of hell and hands her more...