A couple were going out for the evening. They'd got ready, all dolled up, cat put out, etc. The taxi arrives, and as the couple got out, the cat shoots back in. They don't want the cat shut in the house, so the wife goes out to the taxi while the husband goes upstairs to chase the cat out. The wife, not wanting it known that the house will be empty explains to the taxi driver "He's just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother." A few minutes later, the husband gets into the cab -"Sorry I took so long" he says, "Stupid old thing was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out!"
George, Robin and Alex are standing at the Gates of Heaven being interviewed by St. Peter. "Ok you, George, how many times did you cheat on your wife??" "Let me be honest Peter. I`ve been seeing at least two or three different women a year all my married life". "Ok, your car in heaven is that Hyundai Santro there. Goodbye." St. Peter turns to Robin, "How many times did you cheat on your wife??" Robin replies, "I must admit that in fifteen years of marriage I did cheat on my wife twice." St. Peter says, "OK, your car in heaven is that Honda Civic. Here are the keys. Get going!" He then looks at Alex, "And you, how many times did you cheat on your wife??" Alex lifts his head high and replies, "I am proud to say that in over twenty years of marriage, I never cheated on my wife. In fact, my beloved has been dead for two years now and I remained celibate the whole time!" St Peter replies, "Very impressive. more...
A guy was listening to his kid say his nightly prayers.
The kid says, "Goodnight mommy, daddy, grandpa, and goodbye grandma."
The next day the grandma dies. The guy thinks this is really weird.
That night, the kid says "Good-
night mommy, daddy, and goodbye grandpa" The next day the grandpa dies.
The father thinks this is really weird. That night the kid says, "Goodnight mommy, and goodbye daddy."
The father freaks. He's thinking I'm gonna die. So the next day he goes to work really slowly and carefully, and is nice to everyone at work.
At the end of the day, he drives home really carefully and collapses into a chair.
He says," Honey, can you get me a cup of coffee? I've had a really bad day." She says "YOU'VE had a bad day! I found the mailman dead on the doorstep!"
A young man was walking through a supermarket to pick a few things when he noticed an old lady following him around. Thinking nothing of it, he ignored her and continued on. Finally, he went to the checkout line, but she got in front of him.
"Pardon me," she said, "I'm sorry if my staring at you has made you feel uncomfortable. It's just that you look just like my son who just died recently."
"I'm very sorry," replied the young man, "Is there anything I can do for you?"
"Yes," she said. "As I'm leaving, can you say 'Goodbye mother'? It would make me feel much better."
"Sure," answered the young man. As the old woman was leaving, he called out, "Goodbye mother!"
As he stepped up to the checkout counter, he saw that his total was $127.50. "How can that be?" he asked, "I only purchased a few things!"
"Your mother said that you would pay for her," said the more...
As a young man was walking through the supermarket picking up a few things, he couldn't help but notice an old lady was following him around. Thinking nothing of it, he just ignored her and continued on. Finally, he was at the checkout line, but she got in front of him.
"Pardon me, young man," she said, "I apologize if my staring at you has made you feel uncomfortable. It's just that you look so much like my son who passed away recently."
"I'm terribly sorry," replied the young man. "Is there anything I can do for you?"
"Actually, yes, there is," she said. "As I'm leaving, if you could say 'Goodbye mother', it would make me feel so much better."
"Sure, no problem," the young man said. As the old woman was leaving, he called out 'Goodbye mother'.
When he stepped up to the checkout counter, he noticed that his total was $136.75. "How can that possibly be?" he asked the cashier. "I more...