Global Jokes / Recent Jokes

Sony, the global electronics giant, has some good news for couch potatoes. It has developed a new' remote control for your remote control', that enables the truly lazy to surf channels while moving even less muscles than before. "Our new device totally eliminates the need to stretch your arm that little bit more from your couch, to get the remote directly in front of the TV. Now the only muscle you need to move is your finger.", said a company spokesman. He also added that this was just one more step in Sony's global initiative to keep inventing technologies that turn people into furniture, and their brains into Jell-O. "We wanted to refine the product even more by making it thought-controlled, thereby completely removing the need for any sort of muscle movement at all, but this wouldn't work because most TV addicts are completely incapable of any kind of thought at all", lamented a little Japanese scientist.

Question: If the current “man-induced global warming” alarmists are proven beyond reasonable doubt they are wrong, when will they apologize?

Answer: When Hell freezes over.

Yesterday Barack Obama spoke to thousands of people in Germany about the need for global cooperation on terrorism. In Columbus, Ohio, John McCain, talked about the economy with local business owners at a German restaurant. Meanwhile, presidential candidate Ralph Nader spoke to a neighbor about global warming while walking his German shepherd.

M'wana Ndeti, a member of Zaire's Bantu tribe, used an IBM global uplink network modem yesterday
to crush a nut.
Ndeti, who spent 20 minutes trying to open the nut by hand, easily cracked it open by smashing it
repeatedly with the powerful modem.
"I could not crush the nut by myself," said the 47-year-old Ndeti, who added the savory nut to a
thick, peanut-based soup minutes later. "With IBM's help, I was able to break it." Ndeti discovered
the nut-breaking, 28. 8 V. 34 modem yesterday, when IBM was shooting a commercial in his southwestern
Zaire village. During a break in shooting, which shows African villagers eagerly teleconferencing via
computer with Japanese school children, Ndeti snuck onto the set and took the modem, which he
believed would serve well as a "smashing" utensil.
IBM officials were not surprised the longtime computer giant was able to provide Ndeti with practical
solutions to his more...

Some claim that heaven is not biased. This story comes, then, as counter-point to that notion.

An airplane from a Global Airlines crashed. There were no survivors. The souls of the departed lined up at the gates of heaven, as they sat from the back of the plane to the front. Each had to correctly answer one question to be admitted.

Early in the line came an elementary school teacher. "What airline where you flying?" "Global," she replied, and went in.

Later, an unemployed hipster approached. "What was the flight number?" "117?" he stated tentatively. "Correct," came the response, and he was admitted.

As the line approached the end, two passengers came up one after another, the owner of a plumbing business and a lawyer. The entire time the line proceeded, the plumber had been extremely obnoxious with the other passengers, making rude guestures, telling sexist and racist jokes, and generally more...

KABINDA, ZAIRE-In a move IBM office are hailing as a major step in the
company's ongoing worldwide telecommunications revolution, M'wana Ndeti,
a member of Zaire's Bantu tribe, used an IBM global uplink network modem
yesterday to crush a nut.
Ndeti, who spent 20 minutes trying to open the nut by hand, easily
cracked it open by smashing it repeatedly with the powerful modem. "I could not
crush the nut by myself," said the 47-year-old Ndeti, who added the savory
nut to a thick, peanut-based soup minutes later. "With IBM's help, I was
able to break it."
Ndeti discovered the nut-breaking, 28.8 V.34 modem yesterday, when IBM was
shooting a commercial in his southwestern Zaire village. During a break in
shooting, which shows African villagers eagerly teleconferencing via
computer with Japanese schoolchildren, Ndeti snuck onto the set and took the
modem, which he believed would serve well as a "smashing" more...

Everyone is talking about things like hybrid cars and solar panels as ways to save energy and stem the tide of gloabal warming, but these methods are expensive and inconvenient. That's why DailyComedy is offering ways to help the environment that, although almost completely ineffective, aren't overly burdensome.
So here they are, in no particular order: The five least effective ways to combat global warming:

5. Lose the electric toothbrush. The jury is still out on whether electric toothbrushes are better at removing plaque than the old-fashioned kind. So why not save precious electricity and get a light workout at the same time?
4. Try parking in the driveway now and then instead of driving all the way into the garage. When the weather is mild, you can use this technique to save (literally) pennies worth of gas.
3. The less a car weighs, the less power it requires and the more fuel-efficient it is. But even if you drive an SUV, you can still lighten the load by more...