Global Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Global warming

    Hot 3 years ago

    "... Perhaps of even greater significance is the
    continuous and profound distrust of science and technology
    that the environmental movement displays. The environmental
    movement maintains that science and technology cannot be
    relied upon to build a safe atomic power plant, to produce
    a pesticide that is safe, or even bake a loaf of bread that
    is safe, if that loaf of bread contains chemical preservatives.
    When it comes to global warming, however, it turns out that
    there is one area in which the environmental movement
    displays the most breathtaking confidence in the reliability
    of science and technology, an area in which, until recently,
    no one-even the staunchest supporters of science and
    technology-had ever thought to assert very much confidence
    at all. The one thing, the environmental movement holds,
    that science and technology can do so well that we are
    entitled to have unlimited confidence in them, is FORECAST
    THE more...

    In a move IBM offices are hailing as a major step in the company's ongoing worldwide telecommunications revolution, M'wana Ndeti, a member of Zaire's Bantu tribe, used an IBM global uplink network modem yesterday to crush a nut.
    Ndeti, who spent twenty minutes trying to open the nut by hand, easily cracked it open by smashing it repeatedly with the powerful modem.
    "I could not crush the nut by myself," said the forty-seven-year-old Ndeti, who added the savory nut to a thick, peanut-based soup minutes later. "With IBM's help, I was able to break it."
    Ndeti discovered the nut-breaking, 28.8 V.34 modem yesterday, when IBM was shooting a commercial in his southwestern Zaire village. During a break in shooting, which shows African villagers eagerly teleconferencing via computer with Japanese schoolchildren, Ndeti snuck onto the set and took the modem, which he believed would serve well as a "smashing" utensil.
    IBM officials were not surprised more...

    KABINDA, ZAIRE-In a move IBM office are hailing as a major step in the
    company's ongoing worldwide telecommunications revolution, M'wana Ndeti,
    a member of Zaire's Bantu tribe, used an IBM global uplink network modem
    yesterday to crush a nut.
    Ndeti, who spent 20 minutes trying to open the nut by hand, easily
    cracked it open by smashing it repeatedly with the powerful modem. "I could not
    crush the nut by myself," said the 47-year-old Ndeti, who added the savory
    nut to a thick, peanut-based soup minutes later. "With IBM's help, I was
    able to break it."
    Ndeti discovered the nut-breaking, 28.8 V.34 modem yesterday, when IBM was
    shooting a commercial in his southwestern Zaire village. During a break in
    shooting, which shows African villagers eagerly teleconferencing via
    computer with Japanese schoolchildren, Ndeti snuck onto the set and took the
    modem, which he believed would serve well as a "smashing" more...

    Top Ten Good Things About Global Warming
    10. Domino's Pizza will not be almost room temperature when it arrives.
    9. No more snow for Giants fans to throw.
    8. Outside chance the cast of "Friends" will spontaneously combust.
    7. Boardrooms across America will begin to look like those naked pictures in National Geographic.
    6. Ed Sullivan Theater will heat up to a balmy 34 degrees.
    5. Fat guys can make their own gravy.
    4. Canada will be able to use a whopping 9% of its landmass.
    3. Real bacon will be sold on the streets of New York City (cut to vendor).
    2. Can get to see what Michael Jackson really looks like when his face melts.
    1. Higher temperature = more golf courses = greater chance O.J. will catch real killers.

    Friday, December 22nd is Global Orgasm Day. On that day everyone is supposed to concentrate their thoughts on global peace while achieving climax.

    Organizers note several records are likely to be established on this day such as the loudest ever synchronized "Oh, God!" and the single day record for STDs.

    There would be a certain irony to the whole thing if it actually led to us pulling out of Iraq.
    Many female participants are concerned that the event will only serve to generate false hopes for peace if orgasms are faked on such a mass scale.

    The founders of Global Orgasm Day hope to build on their success with a follow-up event the next day called Global Laundry Day.

    Global Orgasm Day - because, if you can't get laid in the name of peace...you can't get laid.

  • Recent Activity