Glass Jokes / Recent Jokes

HOW TO COOK A...

Hot 4 years ago

HOW TO COOK A TURKEY
Step 1: Go buy a turkey
Step 2: Take a drink of whiskey
Step 3: Put turkey in the oven
Step 4: Take another two drinks of whiskey
Step 5: Set the degree at 375 ovens
Step 6: Take three more whiskeys of drink
Step 7: Turn oven the on
Step 8: Take four whisks of drinkey
Step 9: Turk the bastey
Step 10: Whiskey another bottle of get
Step 11: Stick a turkey in the thermometer
Step 12: Glass yourself another pour of whiskey
Step 13: Bake the whiskey for four hours
Step 14: Take the oven out of the turkey
Step 15: Take the oven out of the turkey
Step 16: Floor the turkey up off of the pick
Step 17: Turk the carvey
Step 18: Get yourself another scottle of botch
Step 19: Tet the sable and pour yourself a glass of turkey
Step 20: Bless the saying, pass and eat out

A furniture dealer from Knoxville, Tennessee, decided that he wanted to expand the line of furniture in his store, so he decided to go to Paris, France to see what he could find. After arriving in Paris (this being his first trip to the French capitol), he met with some manufacturers and finally selected a line that he thought would sell well back home in Tennessee.
To celebrate the new acquisition, he decided to visit a small bistro and have a glass of wine. As he sat enjoying his wine, he noticed that the small place was quite crowded, and that the one other chair at his table was the only vacant seat in the house.
Before long, a very beautiful young Parisian woman came to his table, asked him something in French (which he did not understand), and motioned toward the chair.
He invited her to sit down. He tried to speak to her in English, but she did not speak his language so, after a couple of minutes of trying to communicate with her, he took a napkin and drew a picture more...

Best Friend

Hot 6 years ago

A guy is sitting at a bar, throwing back glass after glass of scotch. The bartender, a little worried, asks him if he's okay.
"No, I'm not," the guy replies.
"I just caught my wife in bed with my best friend."
"Well," asks the bartender, "what did you say to your wife?"
"Nothing. I'm not speaking to that bitch anymore."
"Well, what did you say to your best friend?"
"BAD DOG! BAD DOG!"

Blow Job

Hot 5 years ago

A guy walks into a bar and orders twelve shots of Tequila to be set in front of him. When the bartender is done he proceeds to shoot all twelve in a row.
When he sets the last glass done with a heavy sigh, the bartender asks him what that was all about, he replies he was celebrating his first blow job. Then the bartender sets up another glass, and says "Well, for that you can have another on the house!"
But the guy says "No thanks, if the first twelve didn't get the taste out of my mouth, then one more won't help!"

Diplomat Wants Water

Hot 5 years ago

An Arab diplomat visiting the U.S. for the first time was being wined and dined by the State Department. The Grand Emir was unused to the salt in American foods (french fries, cheeses, salami, anchovies etc.) and was constantly sending his manservant Abdul to fetch him a glass of water. Time and again, Abdul would scamper off and return with a glass of water, but then came the time when he returned empty-handed.
"Abdul, you son of an ugly camel, where is my water?" demanded the Grand Emir.
"A thousand pardons, O Illustrious One," stammered the wretched Abdul. "White man sit on well.

Nurse: Doctor, there is a man in the waiting room with a glass eye named Brown.Doctor: What does he call his other eye?

A man walked into a bar and ordered a glass of white wine. He took a sip of the wine, then tossed the
remainder the bartender's face.
Before the bartender could recover from the surprise, the man began weeping. "I'm really sorry. I
keep doing that to bartenders. I can't tell you how embarrassing it is to have a compulsion like
this."
Far from being angry, the bartender was sympathetic. Before long, he was suggesting that the man see
a psychoanalyst about his problem.
"I happen to have the name of a psychoanalyst," the bartender said. "My brother and my wife have both
been treated by him, and they say he's as good as they come." The man wrote down the name of the
doctor, thanked the bartender, and left. The bartender smiled, knowing he'd done a good deed for a
fellow human being.
Six months later, the man was back. "Did you do what I suggested?" the bartender asked, serving the
glass of more...