Glass Jokes / Recent Jokes

HOW TO COOK A...

Hot 4 years ago

HOW TO COOK A TURKEY
Step 1: Go buy a turkey
Step 2: Take a drink of whiskey
Step 3: Put turkey in the oven
Step 4: Take another two drinks of whiskey
Step 5: Set the degree at 375 ovens
Step 6: Take three more whiskeys of drink
Step 7: Turn oven the on
Step 8: Take four whisks of drinkey
Step 9: Turk the bastey
Step 10: Whiskey another bottle of get
Step 11: Stick a turkey in the thermometer
Step 12: Glass yourself another pour of whiskey
Step 13: Bake the whiskey for four hours
Step 14: Take the oven out of the turkey
Step 15: Take the oven out of the turkey
Step 16: Floor the turkey up off of the pick
Step 17: Turk the carvey
Step 18: Get yourself another scottle of botch
Step 19: Tet the sable and pour yourself a glass of turkey
Step 20: Bless the saying, pass and eat out

A furniture dealer from Knoxville, Tennessee, decided that he wanted to expand the line of furniture in his store, so he decided to go to Paris, France to see what he could find. After arriving in Paris (this being his first trip to the French capitol), he met with some manufacturers and finally selected a line that he thought would sell well back home in Tennessee.
To celebrate the new acquisition, he decided to visit a small bistro and have a glass of wine. As he sat enjoying his wine, he noticed that the small place was quite crowded, and that the one other chair at his table was the only vacant seat in the house.
Before long, a very beautiful young Parisian woman came to his table, asked him something in French (which he did not understand), and motioned toward the chair.
He invited her to sit down. He tried to speak to her in English, but she did not speak his language so, after a couple of minutes of trying to communicate with her, he took a napkin and drew a picture more...

Best Friend

Hot 5 years ago

A guy is sitting at a bar, throwing back glass after glass of scotch. The bartender, a little worried, asks him if he's okay.
"No, I'm not," the guy replies.
"I just caught my wife in bed with my best friend."
"Well," asks the bartender, "what did you say to your wife?"
"Nothing. I'm not speaking to that bitch anymore."
"Well, what did you say to your best friend?"
"BAD DOG! BAD DOG!"

Blow Job

Hot 5 years ago

A guy walks into a bar and orders twelve shots of Tequila to be set in front of him. When the bartender is done he proceeds to shoot all twelve in a row.
When he sets the last glass done with a heavy sigh, the bartender asks him what that was all about, he replies he was celebrating his first blow job. Then the bartender sets up another glass, and says "Well, for that you can have another on the house!"
But the guy says "No thanks, if the first twelve didn't get the taste out of my mouth, then one more won't help!"

Diplomat Wants Water

Hot 5 years ago

An Arab diplomat visiting the U.S. for the first time was being wined and dined by the State Department. The Grand Emir was unused to the salt in American foods (french fries, cheeses, salami, anchovies etc.) and was constantly sending his manservant Abdul to fetch him a glass of water. Time and again, Abdul would scamper off and return with a glass of water, but then came the time when he returned empty-handed.
"Abdul, you son of an ugly camel, where is my water?" demanded the Grand Emir.
"A thousand pardons, O Illustrious One," stammered the wretched Abdul. "White man sit on well.

Nurse: Doctor, there is a man in the waiting room with a glass eye named Brown.Doctor: What does he call his other eye?

Port or Sherry?

Hot 3 years ago

A Wealthy playboy met a beautiful young girl in an exclusive lounge.
He took her up to his lavish apartment where he soon discovered she was not a tramp, but was well groomed and apparently very intelligent.
Hoping to impress her, he began showing her his collection of expensive paintings, first editions of famous authors and offered he a glass of wine.
He asked her if she preferred Port or Sherry and she said, "Oh, Sherry by all means. To me it is the nectar of the gods, Just looking at it in a crystal-clear decanter fills me with a glorious sense of anticipation. When the stopper is removed and the gorgeous liquid is poured into my glass, I inhale the enchanting aroma and I'm lifted on the wings of ecstacy. It seems as though I'm about to drink a magic potion and my whole being begins to glow. The sounds of a thousand violins being softly played fills my ears and I am transported into another world."
"On the other hand, Port makes me fart."