INTRODUCING the greatest and most powerful new chip out
of INTEL's(TM) Microprocessor Labs: The Potato(TM) Chip.
Finally, with much fanfare, the newest upgrade to the
best selling Pentium(TM) processor is released. The
Potato(TM) Chip uses the latest in biochemical and
electonic engineering. This newly developed organic
microprocessor outshines the previous generation.
The Potato(TM) Chip has 100% more speed, 100% more memory,
1/10th the heat generation and 100000% more starch than
the traditional 200Mhz PentiumPro(TM) Chip.
The new Potato(TM) Chip will soon be available in several
flavors: Standard for the generic PC, Barbeque for those
engineers and scientists who need an extra kick, Cajun for
secretaries so that the engineers can drool over it, sour-cream and onions for the very low end user, and Low Sodium for the laptop market.
Soon a modified version of the Potato(TM) Chip will be
released for the Very High End more...
Antiques are things one generation buys, the next generation gets rid off, and the following generation buys at auction at amazing prices.
A college student at a recent college football game challenged a senior citizen sitting next to him, saying it was impossible for their generation to understand this:
"You grew up in a different world," the student said, loud enough for the whole crowd to hear. "Today we have television, jet planes, space travel, man has walked on the Moon, our spaceships have visited Mars, we even have nuclear energy, electric and hydrogen cars, computers with light-speed processing... and uh... "
Taking advantage of a pause in the student's litany, the senior citizen said, "You're right. We didn't have those things when we were young; so we invented them, you little twit! What are *you* doing for the next generation???"
Here's some advice Bill Gates dished out at a high school speech about 11 things they would not learn in school. He talked about how feel-good, politically correct teachings created a full generation of kids with no concept of reality and how this concept set them up for failure in the real world.
Life is not fair-get used to it.
The world won't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.
You will NOT make 40 thousand dollars a year right out of high school. You won't be a vice president with a car phone, until you earn both.
If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss. He doesn't have tenure.
Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your grandparents had a different word for burger flipping - they called it opportunity.
If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault, so don't whine about your mistakes - more...
Little Johnny went running into the kitchen and said, "Oh, mommy, you know that beautiful vase in the living room that you said has been handed down from generation to generation?"
"Yes, dear," his mother replied, "what about it?"
"Well, the last generation just dropped it!" Little Johnny exclaimed.