Generation Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Here's some advice Bill Gates dished out at a high school speech about 11 things they would not learn in school. He talked about how feel-good, politically correct teachings created a full generation of kids with no concept of reality and how this concept set them up for failure in the real world.
    RULE 1
    Life is not fair-get used to it.
    RULE 2
    The world won't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.
    RULE 3
    You will NOT make 40 thousand dollars a year right out of high school. You won't be a vice president with a car phone, until you earn both.
    RULE 4
    If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss. He doesn't have tenure.
    RULE 5
    Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your grandparents had a different word for burger flipping - they called it opportunity.
    RULE 6
    If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault, so don't whine about your mistakes - more...

    Newest Intel Chip

    Hot 5 years ago

    INTRODUCING the greatest and most powerful new chip out
    of INTEL's(TM) Microprocessor Labs: The Potato(TM) Chip.
    Finally, with much fanfare, the newest upgrade to the
    best selling Pentium(TM) processor is released. The
    Potato(TM) Chip uses the latest in biochemical and
    electonic engineering. This newly developed organic
    microprocessor outshines the previous generation.
    The Potato(TM) Chip has 100% more speed, 100% more memory,
    1/10th the heat generation and 100000% more starch than
    the traditional 200Mhz PentiumPro(TM) Chip.
    The new Potato(TM) Chip will soon be available in several
    flavors: Standard for the generic PC, Barbeque for those
    engineers and scientists who need an extra kick, Cajun for
    secretaries so that the engineers can drool over it, sour-cream and onions for the very low end user, and Low Sodium for the laptop market.
    Soon a modified version of the Potato(TM) Chip will be
    released for the Very High End more...

    Bill Of No Rights

    Hot 3 years ago

    Our Rights: The following was written by State RepresentativeMitchell Kaye from Cobb County, GA We, the sensible people of the United States, inan attempt to help everyone get along, restore some semblance of justice, avoid anymoreriots, keep our nation safe, promote positive behavior, and securethe blessings ofdebt-free liberty to ourselves and our great-great-great grandchildren, hereby try one moretime to ordain and establish some common sense guidelines for the terminally whiny, guilt-ridden, basically lazy people. We hold these truths to be self-evident: ARTICLE I: You do not have the right to a new car, big screen TV, or any other form of wealth. More power to you if you can legally acquire them, but no one is guaranteeing anything. ARTICLE II: You do not have the right to never beoffended. This country is based on freedom, and that means freedom for everyone - not just you! You may leave the room, turn the channel, express a different opinion, etc., but theworld is full of more...

    A college student at a recent college football game challenged a senior citizen sitting next to him, saying it was impossible for their generation to understand this:
    "You grew up in a different world," the student said, loud enough for the whole crowd to hear. "Today we have television, jet planes, space travel, man has walked on the Moon, our spaceships have visited Mars, we even have nuclear energy, electric and hydrogen cars, computers with light-speed processing... and uh... "
    Taking advantage of a pause in the student's litany, the senior citizen said, "You're right. We didn't have those things when we were young; so we invented them, you little twit! What are *you* doing for the next generation???"

    Little Johnny went running into the kitchen and said, "Oh, mommy, you know that beautiful vase in the living room that you said has been handed down from generation to generation?"
    "Yes, dear," his mother replied, "what about it?"
    "Well, the last generation just dropped it!" Little Johnny exclaimed.

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