Fuse Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man bought a brand new Grand Cherokee for 30-some thousand dollars with $400+ dollar monthly
payments. He immediately got hold of his friend and they went to do some male bonding. They went duck
hunting... and of course, all the lakes are frozen.
The two went to the lake with the guns, the dog, the beer and of course the new vehicle. They drove
out onto the lake ice and got ready. Now, they wanted to make some kind of a natural landing area for
the ducks, something for the decoys to float on. Remember, it's all ice and in order to make a hole
large enough to look like something a wandering duck would want to fly down and land on, it is going
to take a little more effort than an ice hole drill.
So, out of the new Grand Cherokee came the new owner, the friend, the dog, and a stick of dynamite
with a short, 40-second fuse. Now these 2 Rocket Scientists did take into consideration that if they
placed the stick of dynamite on the ice at a more...

Two local men were seriously injured when their pick-up truck left the road and struck a tree near Cotton Patch on State Highway 38 early Monday morning. Woodruff County Deputy Davey Snyder reported the accident shortly after midnight Monday.
Thurston Poole, 33, of Des Arc and Billy Ray Wallis, 38, of Little Rock, are listed in serious condition at Baptist Medical Center.
The accident occurred as the two men were returning to Des Arc after a frog gigging trip. On an overcast Sunday night, Poole's pick-up truck headlights malfunctioned. The two men concluded that the headlight fuse on the older model truck had burned out. As a replacement fuse was not available, Wallis noticed that the .22 caliber bullet from his pistol fit perfectly into the fuse box next to the steering wheel column.. Upon inserting the bullet, the headlights again began to operate properly and the two men proceeded east-bound toward the White River Bridge.
After traveling approximately 20 miles and just more...

Santa and his wife, Jeeto, were living in a farm up in the hills. One day, Santa found that the hole under the outhouse is full. He tells Jeeto that he doesn`t know what to do to empty the hole.
Jeeto says, "Why don`t you go ask Banta down the road?"
So, Santa goes down to Banta`s house and asks him, "My outhouse hole is full, and I don`t know what to do to empty it."
Banta tells him, "Get yourself two sticks of dynamite, one with a short fuse and one with a long fuse. Put them both under the outhouse and light them both at the same time. The first one will go off and shoot the outhouse in the air. While it`s in the air the second one will then go off and spread the shit all across your farm, fertilizing your ground. The outhouse should then come back down to the same spot atop the now-empty hole."
Santa thanks him, then drives to the hardware store and picks up two sticks of dynamite, one with a short fuse and one with a long more...

A theory is better than its explanation.

A transistor protected by a fast-acting fuse will protect the fuse by blowing first.

A well-adjusted person is one who makes the same mistake twice without getting nervous.

Ability is a good thing but stability is even better.

Ability is like a check, it has no value unless it is cashed.

Absolutum obsoletum. (If it works, it is out of date.) - Stafford Beer

According to my calculations, the problem doesn`t exist.

According to the official figures, 43% of all statistics are totally worthless.

Adding manpower to a late software product makes it later.

Two Hunters from Michigan (a true story). This is from a radio program, a true report of an incident in Michigan:
A guy buys a brand new Lincoln Navigator SUV for $42, 500 and has $560 monthly payments. He and a friend go duck hunting in the winter, and of course all the lakes are frozen over. These two guys go out on the lake with their guns, a dog, and of course the new Vehicle. They drive out onto the lake ice and get ready.
Now, they want to make some kind of a natural landing area for the ducks, something for the decoys to float on. In order to make a hole large enough to look like something a wandering duck would fly down and land on, it's going to take a little more effort than an ice hole drill.
So, out of the back of the new Navigator comes a stick of dynamite with a short, 40-second fuse. Now these two Rocket Scientists do take into consideration that they want to place the stick of dynamite on the ice at a location far from where they are standing (and the more...

IDIOTS AT PLAY... A TRUE REPORT HEARD OVER THE RADIO...

A guy buys a brand new Jeep Grand Cherokee for $30, 000 and has $400+
monthly payments. He and a friend go duck hunting and of course all the
lakes are frozen. These two guys go to the lake with the guns, the dog,
the beer, and of course the new vehicle. They drive out onto the lake ice
and get ready. Now, they want to make some kind of a natural landing area
for the ducks, something for the decoys to float on. In order to make a
hole large enough to look like something a wandering duck would fly down
and land on, it is going to take a little more effort than an ice hole
drill. So, out of the back of the new Grand Cherokee comes a stick of
dynamite with a short, 40-second fuse.

Now these two Rocket Scientists do take into consideration not to place
the stick of dynamite on the ice at a location where they are standing
(and the new Grand Cherokee), more...

Possibly offensive to Norwegians since Ole and Lena are from Norway but now live in the US. I am 100% norwegian so I figure I can get by with this! One day Lena stops Ole and tells him that the outhouse is full and he has to do something about it. Ole comments that Sven is comming over the next weekend, and since he has been going to an engineering school he should have an idea of the best way to handle the situation.
That weekend Sven comes over and Ole explains his dilemma. ..
"Sven, we got to do somethin' about the outhouse, it is full and Lena is getting very upset about it"
"Well Ole, I have an idea. We will place several sticks of dynamite around the outside of the outhouse with a fuse just long enough to allow us to run behind the house before it goes off. The outhouse will be blown straight up, the crap in the hole will be blown out into the fields to fertilize them, then outhouse will fall right back down to were it was."
Ole thought more...