Funny Puns Jokes / Recent Jokes

Phonebook Dilemma

Hot 7 years ago

Why are there no phone books in China?
Because there are so many Wing's and Wong's, they are afraid you will Wing the Wong number.

Bread

Hot 7 years ago

A general store owner hired a young female clerk who liked to wear very short skirts and thong panties.
One day a young man entered the store, glanced at the clerk and glanced at the loaves of bread behind the counter. Noticing the length of her skirt (or general lack thereof) and the location of the raisin bread, he had a brilliant idea.
"I'd like some raisin bread please," the man said.
The clerk nodded and climbs up a ladder to reach the raisin bread, which was located on the very top shelf. The young man standing almost directly beneath her is provided with an excellent view, just as he surmised he would be.
Once she descended the ladder he mused that he really should get two loaves as he was having company for dinner.
As the clerk retrieved the second loaf of bread, one of the other male customers noticed what was going on. Thinking quickly, he requested his own loaf of raisin bread so he could continue to enjoy the view.
With each trip up the more...

The Wizard of Oz

Hot 5 years ago

At the edge of the forest there was a somewhat mediocre wizard. He is there to help the animals of the forest with some of their daily problems. One day a toad hops in.
The toad says "Oh wizard, please help me. I was born with a yellow penis."
"I've told you animals, I can't help you with any big problems," responds the wizard. "You'll have to go see the Wizard of Oz."
So the toad hops off on his merry little way. But in not too long an elephant enters the wizards pad.
"Oh wizard," the elephant begins, "please help me. I was born without a trunk."
Now the wizard is infuriated. "Don't you stupid animals ever listen!!! Take your damn big problems to the wizard of Oz!"
The elephant responds "But, wizard how do I get to the Wizard of Oz?"
"Oh that's easy," says the wizard. "Just follow the yellow dicked toad!"

Two Arab Fathers

Hot 5 years ago

Two Arab fathers are showing each other their family photos. One shows the other a picture and says "This is my oldest, he is a martyr. This is my second oldest, he is also a martyr." The other Arab father just sighs and says "Ahh, they blow up so quickly these days!"

Welcome to America

Hot 5 years ago

.
When young Jose, newly arrived in the United States, made his first trip to Yankee Stadium, there were no tickets left for sale. Touched by his disappointment, a friendly ticket salesman found him a perch near the American flag. Later, Jose wrote home enthusiastically about his experience. "And the Americans, they are so friendly!" he concluded.
"Before the game started, they all stood up and looked at me and sang, 'Jose, can you see?'"

Chrome Plate

Hot 7 years ago

A man went to his dentist because he has a strange feeling in his mouth. The dentist examines him and says, "That new upper plate I put in for you six months ago is eroding. What have you been eating?"
The man replies, "All I can think of is that about four months ago my wife made some asparagus and put some stuff on it that was delicious...Hollandaise sauce. I loved it so much I now put it on everything - meat, toast, fish, vegtables, everything."
"Well," says the dentist, "That's probably the problem. Hollandaise sauce is made with lots of lemon juice, which is highly corrosive. It has eaten away your upper plate. I'll make you a new plate, and this time use chrome."
"Why chrome?" asks the patient.
To which the dentist replies, "It's simple. Everyone knows that there's no plate like chrome for the Hollandaise!"

Collecting Unemployment

Hot 7 years ago

Collecting Unemployment
Ole and Sven worked together and both were laid off, so they headed over to the unemployment office.
When Ole was asked his occupation, he replied, "Panty stitcher. I sew elastic onto cotton panties."
The clerk looked up panty stitcher and found it classed as unskilled labor, so she gave Ole $250 a week unemployment pay.
She then asked Sven what his occupation was, and he replied, "Diesel fitter."
Looking up diesel fitter, the clerk found it classed as skilled labor, so she gave Sven $500 a week.
When Ole found out, he was furious. He stormed back in to find out why his friend and co-worker was collecting double the amount that he was.
"Panty stitchers are unskilled and diesel fitters are skilled labor," the clerk explained.
"What skill?" Ole yelled. "I sew the elastic on, Sven pulls on it and says, 'Ya, diesel fitter'!"