Fuel Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    A flying saucer was low on fuel, so it landed near a local gas station. On its side were the letters "UFO". The gas station attendant was stunned, but his curiosity got the best of him. "Does that stand for Unidentified Flying Object?" he asked. "No," one of the other-worldly travelers responds. "It stands for' Unleaded Fuel Only'."

    There was a pilot flying a small single engine charter plane, with a couple of very important executives on board. He was coming into Seattle airport through thick fog with less than 10m visibility when his instruments went out. So he began circling around looking for landmark. After an hour or so, he starts running pretty low on fuel and the passengers are getting very nervous. Finally, a small opening in the fog appears and he sees a tall building with one guy working alone on the fifth floor. The pilot banks the plane around, rolls down the window and shouts to the guy "Hey, where am I? To this, the solitary office worker replies "You're in a plane." The pilot rolls up the window, executes a 275 degree turn and proceeds to execute a perfect blind landing on the runway of the airport 5 miles away. Just as the plane stops, so does the engine as the fuel has run out.
    The passengers are amazed and one asks how he did it. "Simple" replies the pilot, "I more...

    Mission To Mars

    Hot 4 years ago

    Mission to Mars
    (Space Shuttle with two trained monkeys and a blonde astronaut)
    The Mission Control Room in the US calls the Space Shuttle.
    "Monkey 1, Monkey 1, report to communications for instructions."
    The trained monkey sits down and he is told to release the pressure in compartment 1, increase the temperature in engine 4 and to release oxygen to the reactors.
    So the monkey does the pressure, temperature, and releases the oxygen.
    A few moments later, headquarters calls again: "Monkey 2, Monkey 2,
    report to communications for instructions."
    Monkey 2 sits down and he is told to add Carbon Dioxide to room 4, to stop the fuel injection to engine 3, to add nitrogen to the fuel compartment and to analyze the solar radiation.
    Monkey 2 does the carbon dioxide, the fuel injection, the nitrogen and the analysis of solar radiation.
    A little later on, headquarters calls again: "Female Astronaut 1, please report to communications more...

    Baby Owner's Manual

    Hot 1 year ago

    Stay clear of the ejection port(s) both front and rear.
    Beware of objects thrown from unit, both solid and liquid.
    Please carry unit with care as handle placement is not optimum.
    Use caution when dispensing fluids not to spill them on sensitive components of unit.
    Do not drop unit as this may cause damage.
    Do not submerge unit for extended periods of time.
    Do not leave unit submerged while unattended as this may harm the unit.
    Do not leave unit unattended in public places.
    Do not expose unit to extreme temperatures.
    Make sure to use proper approved restraints when transporting unit in a vehicle, i.e. no duct tape or string.
    Make sure to fuel unit through proper opening.
    Multiple units operating in close proximity may be hazardous to your health and mental well being.
    Unit is delivered "as is" and may not be returned or exchanged. No warranty should be implied.
    Software upgrades may be administered throughout the life of the more...

    A couple of airplane mechanics are kicked out of the local bar and,
    with no place else to go, end up in the hanger at SFO. One of them
    says to the other, "Man, have you got anything to drink?" "Nah, but I
    hear you can drink jet fuel - that'll kinda give you a buzz."
    So they get smashed and have a beautiful time; like only drinking
    buddies can do. The following morning, one of them wakes up and he
    knows his head will explode if he gets up. But It doesn't. He gets up
    and feels good, in fact he feels great - NO hangover! The phone
    rings, it's his buddy. the buddy says "Hey, how do you feel?"
    He said, "I feel great!!, and the buddy says, "I feel great too! You
    don't have a hangover?" and he says "No - that jet fuel is great stuff
    - no hangover - we ought to do this more often" "Yeah, we could, but
    there's just one thing....
    Did you fart yet?"
    "No... more...

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