Fuckin Jokes / Recent Jokes

Bank Teller This guy walks into a bank and says to the teller at the window, "I want to open a fuckin' checking account."
To which the lady replied, "I beg your pardon, what did you say?"
"Listen up dammit, I said I want to open a fuckin' checking account right now."
"Sir, I'm sorry but we do not tolerate that kind of language in this bank!" The teller left the window and went over to the bank manager and told him about her situation.
They both returned and the manager asked, "What seems to be the problem here?"
"There's no damn problem," the man says, "I just won $50 million in the lottery and I want to open a fuckin' checking account in this damn bank!"
"I see sir.. . ," the manager said, ".. . and this bitch is giving you a hard time?"

One day Fred decided he wanted to take up deer hunting. So Fred went to the local sporting goods stored and asked the shopkepper. "I need a really nice gun to hunt deer with"The shopkeeper gave him a gun and said, "This gun is perfect for any deer"Taking the gun, and jumping into his Jeep the new hunter went into the woods to search for deer. While looking around for his new sport, he saw nothing. Then, when he was just about ready to give up he saw a Bear in the distance. Not wanting to waste this journey he took aim and, BOOM!! When the smoke cleared to his surprise, no bear. Suddenly, Fred felt a tap on his shoulder. Turning, he saw the bear." What the hell do you think you are doing?" asked the bear." I'm sorry, I did mean to, I'll never do it again!" whined Fred." Pull down your pants, just so you understand how serious I am" explains the Bear. Reluctantly, Fred does this and WHAM, the bear screws him up the ass. All pissed off more...

This guy walks into a bank and says to the teller at the window, "I want to open a fuckin' checking account"

To which the lady replied, "I beg your pardon, what did you say?"

"Listen up dammit, I said I want to open a fuckin' checking account right now."

"Sir, I'm sorry but we do not tolerate that kind of language in this bank!"

The teller left the window and went over to the bank manager and told him about her situation. They both returned and the manager asked, "What seems to be the problem here?"

"There's no damn problem," the man said, "I just won 50 million in the lottery and I want to open a fuckin' checking account in this damn bank!"

"I see sir," the manager said, "and this bitch is giving you a hard time?"

Little Johnny had a cussing problem and his father was getting tired of it. He decided to ask his shrink what to do.
The shrink said that, since Christmas was coming up that he should ask Johnny what he wanted Santa to bring him. If he cussed, he should leave a pile of dog shit in place of the gift.
Two days before Christmas, Johnny's dad asked Johnny what he wanted. Johnny said, "I want a goddamned teddy-bear laying right fuckin here beside me when I wake-up Christmas morning.
Then, when I go downstairs I want to see a motherfuckin' train going around the goddamned tree, and when I go outside I want to see a red-assed fuckin' bike leaning up against the damn garage!"
Christmas morning, Little Johnny woke up and rolled over into a big pile of dog shit. Confused, he walked downstairs and saw a bunch of dog shit around the Christmas tree. Scratching his head, he walked outside and saw a huge pile of dog shit by the garage. When he walked back inside with a more...

Little Johnny had a terrible cussing problem and his father had had enough of it. Not knowing what to do, he decided to seek the advice of a psychiatrist.
The doctor suggested that, since Christmas was fast approaching, he should ask Johnny what he wanted Santa to bring him. If Johnny cussed, then he should leave a pile of dog shit in place of the gift.
A couple of days before Christmas, Johnny's father asked him what he wanted Santa to bring. Johnny said, "I want a damn teddy-bear laying right fuckin' here beside me when I wake up Christmas morning."
"Then, when I go downstairs," Johnny continued, "I want to see a motherfuckin' train going around the damn tree. When I go outside, I want to see a red-assed fuckin' bike leaning up against the damn garage!"
When Little Johnny woke up on Christmas morning, he rolled over into a big pile of dog shit. Confused, he went downstairs and found a bunch of dog shit around the Christmas tree. more...

Here is some random advice to make you smile...
MEN have 2 heads and WOMEN have 4 lips.
The American Dental Association says semen cuts plaque and tartar by 77%. Suck a dick and save a smile...
If you have sex 365 times a year, and if you melted down all of the condoms to make a tire, what would you call it? A fuckin Goodyear!
Sex is like playing spades. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
Big Bad Wolf told Little Red Riding Hood to lift her top so he could suck her tits. "No," she said while lifting her skirt, "Eat me like the fuckin book says!"
A rooster and a cat were playing by the pool. The cat fell in and the rooster laughed. The rooster exclaimed, "A wet pussy always makes a cock happy!"
Girls have unique magic tricks, they get wet without water, bleed without injury, and make boneless things hard.

Golfing with the Bishop
The Bishop had been planning a relaxing afternoons golf with the Abbot, but was let down at the last minute. Fortunately, he had made the aquaintance of a Sister Mary (who else?) from the local chapel.
Sister Mary was quite flattered to be invited by the Bishop to play Golf, and accepted the offer gladly. When the Bishope missed a putt on the 16th hole, however, she was shocked to hear him say, "Fuckin' shit, I missed!"
"I'm deeply ashamed of you," said a white-faced Sister Mary.
The Bishop shot her a dirty look and went on to play the 17th hole. Not long afterwards he exclaimed "Fuckin' shit, I missed!"
"I'm warning you, Bishop," said the Nun piously, "God will strike you down if you don't stop using that kind of language."
The Bishop also missed the crucial putt on the 18th hole, and uttered the same curse at full volume. Suddenly there was a deafening clap of thunder, and a more...