Flush Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Twas the week before Christmas,
    I was feeding a mouse,
    fattening it up,
    for our cats in the house.
    The wife's stockings hung
    on the shower with care,
    The drain is clogged.
    Probably big globs of hair.
    The children were playing,
    jumping on beds.
    Bits of chewing gum
    stuck on their heads.
    Wife sneez'n in a kerchief;
    me, I'm ready for a nap,
    Her nerves quite unsettled,
    we need a nightcap!
    When out of the bathroom
    there arose such a clatter!
    The toilet a shaking!
    Don't know what's the matter!
    Away to the bathroom
    I flew like a flash,
    Tore open the closet,
    then fell with a CRASH!
    I'd slipped on a toy...
    I do think... I don't know.
    They were scattered about,
    above and below.
    Then the wife yelled,
    "Are you Okay? Oooh, Dear?!
    "I was going to tell you,
    your tools disappeared.
    "The kids, well, they flushed them,
    tools, more...

    The Shit List

    Hot 6 years ago

    THE GHOST SHIT The kind where you feel shit come out, see shit on the toilet paper, but there's no shit in the bowl.

    THE CLEAN SHIT The kind where you feel shit come out, see shit in the bowl, but there's no shit on the toilet paper.

    THE WET SHIT You wipe your ass fifty times and it still feels unwiped. So you end up putting toilet paper between your ass and your underwear so you don't ruin them with those dreadful skid marks.

    THE SECOND WAVE SHIT This shit happens when you've finished, your pants are up to your knees, and you suddenly realize you have to shit some more.

    THE BRAIN HEMORRAHAGE THROUGH YOUR NOSE SHIT Also known as' Pop a Vein in your Forehead Shit'. You have to strain so much to get it out that you turn purple and practically have a stroke.

    THE CORN SHIT No explanation necessary.

    THE LINCOLN LOG SHIT The kind of shit that's so enormous you're afraid to flush it down without first breaking it up into more...

    An engineer died and ended up in Hell. He was not pleased with the level of comfort in Hell, and began to redesign and build improvements. After a while, they had toilets that flush, air conditioning, and escalators. Everyone grew very fond of him.
    One day God called to Satan to mock him, "So, how's it going down there in Hell?"
    Satan replied, "Hey, things are great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."
    God was surprised, "What? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake. He should never have gone down there in the first place. Send him back up here."
    "No way," replied Satan. "I like having an engineer, and I'm keeping him."
    God threatened, "Send him back up here now or I'll sue!"
    Satan laughed and answered, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"

    An engineer dies and reports to hell. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After a while, they've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy. One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there in hell?" Satan replies, "Hey things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next." God replies, "What??? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake - he should never have gotten down there; send him up here." Satan says, "No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him." God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue." Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah, right. And just where are you going to get a lawyer?"

    An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates.
    St. Peter checks his dossier and says, "Ah, you're an engineer - you're in the wrong place."
    So, the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in.
    Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements.
    After awhile, they've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy.
    One day, God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there in hell?"
    Satan replies, "Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."
    God replies, "What??? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake - he should never have gotten down there; send him up here."
    Satan says, "No way. I like having an engineer on the more...

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