Fleeing Jokes

A draftee, fleeing the military base, was being chased by two military policemen. He ran into a convent courtyard where he saw a nun, seated on a bench under a tree, reading a book.
"Sister, help," he pleaded. "please hide me. The M.P.'s are chasing me and I don't want to be drafted.
"Quick," said the Sister, lifting her skirt, "hide under here."
A few moments later, the M.P.'s approached the Sister and asked if she had seen anyone. "No," she replied.
As soon as they left, she told the young man it was safe to come out. He thanked her and said, "You know Sister, for a nun, you have a darn nice pair of legs."
Grinning, she replied, "Had you reached up a little further, you would have found a nice set of balls too. I don't plan on being drafted either!"

A fleeing Taliban fighter, desperate for a drink, was plodding through the Afghan desert when he came across a little man at a stall selling ties. "Do you have water?" the Taliban rebel asked. "No, but would you like to buy a tie? $50." "Fool!" shouted the fighter. "I don't need an over-priced tie. I should kill you, but I must find water first." "OK," said the stallowner. "It does not matter that you do not want my ties and that you hate me. I will show you I am a bigger man than that. If you continue over that hill for about five kilometres, you will find a lovely restaurant. It has all the ice-cold water you need." Muttering, the fighter staggered over the hill. Several hours later, he staggered back. "Your filthy swine of a brother won't let me in without a tie."

Amsterdam (AP/UPI) -- While the Lewinsky scandal continues to rage on the front of American newspapers, a much different reaction has developed on this side of the Atlantic. To world-wise, sophisticated Europeans, the spectacle is a curious sideshow and another reason to mock and disdain the puritan morals of their American counterparts.
"You feelthy Americans, you make me seek," says sneering French graduate student Serge Tati, 47, expressing a common sentiment. Fashionably clad in a horizontal stripe t-shirt and skin-tight Speedo, he was recently relaxing on the Lido with his mistress Yvette LaFleur, 43. Like thousands of fellow French graduate students, he was enjoying his annual 28-week vacation.
"Beel Clinton, he is Euro, no. He eez moderne, he eez now. He has joie de vivre. He ravages zee young geerls. In my country, we geeve heem a medal, no?" asks Tati, deeply drawing on a clove cigarette.
"Oui, like Jerry Lewees," adds the topless more...