Findings Jokes

A Cardiologist came up with a new operating procedure that would cut down the time that heart surgery would take and would cause less trauma to the patient. He was praised by his peers when he presented it at a convention in Washington D.C. He was also paid $50,000 to present his findings.
The cardiologist did a few more of these presentations and realized that it would be more lucrative to do lectures on his findings rather than continue to work as a surgeon. So he decided to do the lectures full-time. He hired a driver and purchased a limousine.
One day, after he'd been doing the lecture circuit for about 6 months, his driver turns to him and says, "You know... This is completely unfair."
"What do you mean?" asks the surgeon.
"Well, you get paid $50,000 every time you do this lecture and that's more than I get paid in a year," replies the driver.
The surgeon explains to him that it is a very complicated procedure and that he is the more...

A Marine Biologist was telling his friends about some of his most recent research findings. "Some whales can communicate at a distance of 500 kilometres," he said.

"What the hell would one whale say to another 500 kilometres away?" asked his sarcastic friend.

"I'm not absolutely sure," the expert said, "but it sounds something like' Can you hear me now?' "

EUREKA! The Discovery that political conservatism is determined by the genes opens a window on a brighter tomorrow. (After all, who would actually choose to be Republican?) By Daniel Mendelsohn

The startling discovery that affiliation with the Republican Party is genetically determined, announced by scientists in the current issue of the journal Nurture, threatens to overshadow the announcement by scientists that there might be a gene for homosexuality in men.

Reports of the gene that codes for political conservatism, discovered after a long study of quintuplets in Orange County, Calif., has sent shock waves through the medical, political and golfing communities.

Psychologists and psychoanalysts have long believed that Republicans' unnatural and frequently unconstitutional tendencies result from unhealthy family life -- a remarkable high percentage of Republicans had authoritarian, domineering fathers and emotionally distant mothers who didn't teach more...

It was announced today that liberalism may be genetically determined. A lengthy article in the current issue of "HEY !" threatens to overshadow the announcement by Government scientists that there might be a hidden dormant gene for compassion in men.
Reports of the gene codes which predispose one to liberal views were discovered after a long study in Brite Orange County CA, has sent shock waves through medical, political and yuppie communities.
Psychologists have long believed the "off-the-wall" liberals' unnatural and frequently unconstitutional radical tendencies resulted from an unhealthy family life - a remarkably high percentage of liberals had whimpy and submissive fathers, as well as latent lesbian mothers who didn't teach them traditions at all. Biologists have long suspected that liberal tendencies are inherited. "After all" said one author of the article, "It's quite common for such a free spirit to have a brother or sister who also more...