Finals Jokes / Recent Jokes
(This joke is from a professor who refered to lawyers as the second
oldest profession:)
There once was a dog show to determine the world's smartest dog. Three
dogs were in the finals. One dog belonged to a doctor. One dog belonged
to an engineer. And, one dog belonged to a lawyer.
For the finals each dog was given a bag of bones to see what it could
make.
The doctor said, "Stethascope, go!" The dog built a human skeleton.
The judges were ready to award the trophy right then. But, they decided
to give the other dogs a try.
The engineer said, "Slide-rule, go!" (So, its an old joke.) The dog built
a suspension bridge.
The judges were beside themselves. Which dog would they pick?
The lawyer said. "Loop-hole, go!" The dog ate the bones, got a percentage
of all the tolls from the bridge and screwed the other two dogs.
A College Christmas
Twas the night before finals,
And all through the college,
The students were praying
For last minute knowledge.
Most were quite sleepy,
But none touched their beds,
While visions of essays
danced in their heads.
Out in the taverns,
A few were still drinking,
And hoping that liquor
would loosen up their thinking.
In my own apartment,
I had been pacing,
And dreading exams
I soon would be facing.
My roommate was speechless,
His nose in his books,
And my comments to him
Drew unfriendly looks.
I drained all the coffee,
And brewed a new pot,
No longer caring
That my nerves were shot.
I stared at my notes,
But my thoughts were muddy,
My eyes went ablur,
I just couldn't study.
"Some pizza might help,"
I said with a shiver,
But each place I called
Refused to deliver.
I'd nearly concluded
That life was too cruel,
With futures more...
Twas the night before finals,
And all through the college,
The students were praying
For last minute knowledge.
Most were quite sleepy,
But none touched their beds,
While visions of essays
Danced in their heads.
Out in the taverns,
A few were still drinking,
And hoping that liquor
Would loosen their thinking.
In my own apartment,
I had been pacing,
And dreading exams
I soon would be facing.
My roomate was speechless,
His nose in his books,
And my comments to him
Drew unfriendly looks.
I drained all the coffee,
And brewed a new pot,
No longer caring
That my nerves were shot.
I stared at my notes,
But my thoughts were muddy,
My eyes were ablur,
I just couldn't study.
"Some pizza might help,"
I said with a shiver,
But each place I called
Refused to deliver.
I'd nearly concluded
That life was too cruel,
With futures depending
On grades had more...
T'was the night before finals,
And all through the college,
The students were praying
For last minute knowledge.
Most were quite sleepy,
But none touched their beds,
While visions of essays
Danced in their heads.
Out in the taverns,
A few were still drinking,
And hoping that liquor
Would get their brains thinking.
In my own apartment,
I had been pacing,
Dreading all those exams
I soon would be facing.
My roommate was speechless,
His nose in his books,
And my comments to him
Drew unfriendly looks.
I drained all the coffee,
And brewed a new pot,
No longer caring
That my nerves were shot.
I stared at my notes,
But my thoughts were all muddy,
My eyes went a'blur,
I just couldn't study.
"Some pizza might help,"
I said with a shiver,
But each place I called
Refused to deliver.
I'd pretty much concluded
Life is unfair and cruel,
Since our futures more...
'Twas the night before finals,
And all through the college,
The students were praying
For last-minute knowledge.
Out in the taverns,
A few were still drinking,
And hoping that liquor
Would loosen their thinking.
In my own room,
I had been pacing,
And dreading exams
I soon would be facing.
My roommate was speechless,
His nose in his book,
And my comments to him
Drew unfriendly looks.
I drained all the coffee,
And brewed a new pot,
No longer caring
That my nerves were shot.
I stared at my notes,
But my thoughts were all muddy;
My eyes went ablur,
And I just couldn't study.
"Some pizza might help,"
I said with a shiver,
But each place I called
Refused to deliver.
I'd nearly concluded
That life was too cruel,
With futures depending
On grades earned in school.
When all of a sudden
Our door opened wide
And Patron Saint Put-It-Off
Ambled more...
T'was the night before finals, And all through the college, The students were prayingFor last minute knowledge. Most were quite sleepy, But none touched their beds, While visions of essaysDanced in their heads. Out in the taverns, A few were still drinking, And hoping that liquorWould get their brains thinking. In my own apartment, I had been pacing, Dreading all those examsI soon would be facing. My roommate was speechless, His nose in his books, And my comments to himDrew unfriendly looks. I drained all the coffee, And brewed a new pot, No longer caringThat my nerves were shot. I stared at my notes, But my thoughts were all muddy, My eyes went a'blur, I just couldn't study. "Some pizza might help,"I said with a shiver, But each place I calledRefused to deliver. I'd pretty much concludedLife is unfair and cruel, Since our futures all dependOn grades made in school. When all of a sudden, Our door opened wide, And Patron Saint Put-It-OffAmbled inside. Her spirit was careless, more...
T'was the night before finals, And all through the college, The students were prayingFor last minute knowledge. Most were quite sleepy, But none touched their beds, While visions of essaysDanced in their heads. Out in the taverns, A few were still drinking, And hoping that liquorWould get their brains thinking. In my own apartment, I had been pacing, Dreading all those examsI soon would be facing. My roommate was speechless, His nose in his books, And my comments to himDrew unfriendly looks. I drained all the coffee, And brewed a new pot, No longer caringThat my nerves were shot. I stared at my notes, But my thoughts were all muddy, My eyes went a'blur, I just couldn't study. "Some pizza might help,"I said with a shiver, But each place I calledRefused to deliver. I'd pretty much concludedLife is unfair and cruel, Since our futures all dependOn grades made in school. When all of a sudden, Our door opened wide, And Patron Saint Put-It-OffAmbled inside. Her spirit was careless, more...