Finals Jokes

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    The Indiana Fever have taken a 2-to-1 lead in the WNBA Finals. Not in games, but in fans.

    The Poetry Finals

    Hot 4 years ago

    The finals of the National Poetry Contest last year came down to two finalists. One was a Duke University Law School graduate from an upper crust family; well-bred, well-connected, and all that goes with it. The other finalist was a redneck from Southeast Alabama A&M.

    The rules of the contest required each finalist to compose a four-line poem in one minute or less, and the poem had to contain the word "Timbuktu."

    The Duke graduate went first. About thirty seconds after the clock started he jumped up and recited the following poem:

    Slowly across the desert sand

    Trekked the dusty caravan.

    Men on camels, two by two


    The audience went wild! How, they wondered, could the redneck top that? The clock started again and the redneck sat in silent thought. Finally, in the last few seconds, he jumped and recited:

    Tim and me, a-huntin' went.

    Met three whores in a more...

    Battle Hymn Of Term Finals
    (Sung to The Battle Hymn Of The Republic) Mine eyes have seen the horror
    Of the ending of the term
    It has poisoned all my spirits
    Like an apple with a worm
    It's infected all my freedom
    Like an ugly cancer germ
    The truth shall soon be known. Chorus:
    Failure, failure, degradation,
    Failure and humiliation,
    Failure, failure, academia,
    The truth shall soon be known. I have listened to the teachers
    But the homework leaves me cold
    I have never done assignments
    Although many times been told
    I have even missed my classes
    When I was feeling bold
    The truth shall soon be known Chorus:
    Failure, failure, degradation,
    Failure and humiliation,
    Failure, failure, academia,
    The truth shall soon be known. They are adding all my points up
    And I haven't earned but few
    In fact, I haven't even gotten
    More than one or two
    Oh, if I could only find an more...

    Twas the night before finals,
    And all through the college,
    The students were praying
    For last minute knowledge.
    Most were quite sleepy,
    But none touched their beds,
    While visions of essays
    danced in their heads.
    Out in the taverns,
    A few were still drinking,
    And hoping that liquor
    would loosen up their thinking.
    In my own apartment,
    I had been pacing,
    And dreading exams
    I soon would be facing.
    My roommate was speechless,
    His nose in his books,
    And my comments to him
    Drew unfriendly looks.
    I drained all the coffee,
    And brewed a new pot,
    No longer caring
    That my nerves were shot.
    I stared at my notes,
    But my thoughts were muddy,
    My eyes went ablur,
    I just couldn't study.
    "Some pizza might help,"
    I said with a shiver,
    But each place I called
    Refused to deliver.
    I'd nearly concluded
    That life was too cruel,
    With futures depending
    On grades more...

    (This joke is from a professor who refered to lawyers as the second
    oldest profession:)
    There once was a dog show to determine the world's smartest dog. Three
    dogs were in the finals. One dog belonged to a doctor. One dog belonged
    to an engineer. And, one dog belonged to a lawyer.
    For the finals each dog was given a bag of bones to see what it could
    The doctor said, "Stethascope, go!" The dog built a human skeleton.
    The judges were ready to award the trophy right then. But, they decided
    to give the other dogs a try.
    The engineer said, "Slide-rule, go!" (So, its an old joke.) The dog built
    a suspension bridge.
    The judges were beside themselves. Which dog would they pick?
    The lawyer said. "Loop-hole, go!" The dog ate the bones, got a percentage
    of all the tolls from the bridge and screwed the other two dogs.

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