Fellow Jokes / Recent Jokes

A cabbie is driving by the Empire State Building
one day when he's flagged down by a fellow with a neat
moustache, wearing a bowler hat and carrying an umbrella.
The fellow gets into the cab.
"Where to?" asks the cabbie.
"Trafalgar Square, if you please," replies the fare
in a clipped English public-school accent.
The cabbie doesn't bat an eyelash. "That's
fifty-percent extra for out-of-town trips," he says, "and
ya gotta pay all tolls an' ferry fares."
"Very well," replies the English gentleman, and so
off they go. The cabbie drives to Kennedy International,
arranges the trip to London, and drives his cab into the
hold of a huge auto-transport plane. All the way across
the Atlantic they fly, the meter running all the while.
(Fifteen cents per sixty seconds not in motion, you know.)
When they arrive at Heathrow they disembark, and the cabbie
drives to Trafalgar more...

Will I Live Longer?

Hot 7 years ago

A fellow went to the doctor who told him that he had a bad illness and only a year to live.
So he decided to talk to his pastor. After the man explained his situation, he asked his Pastor if there was anything he could do.
"What you should do is go out and buy a late '70 or early '80 model Dodge Pickup," said the Pastor.
"Then go get married to the ugliest woman you can find, and buy yourselves an old trailer house in the panhandle of Oklahoma.
The fellow asked, "Will this help me live longer?"
"No," said the pastor, "but it will make what time you do have, seem like forever."

The "'Tis Bottle"

Hot 4 years ago

Once upon a time, there was a fellow who was down on his luck,
and as he was looking through the classifieds, he saw an
intriguing ad offering a ten million dollar reward to the person
who could find and retrieve, intact, something called a "tis
bottle."
Having nothing to lose, he calls the man who placed the ad. "I
absolutely must have this bottle, and there are only three
surviving in the world," the wealthy man tells him, "one is in
the heart of the deepest jungle, one is at the bottom of the
coldest, darkest sea, and one is at the top of the highest
mountain. I will pay your expenses for however long it takes to
bring me one of these bottles, as well as giving you the ten
million."
Being an adventurous fellow, he decides to accept the offer.
First, he gathers a retinue of guides and hunters to go with him
into the jungle. He studies for months to prepare, and when he
is more...

Clinton's mail:

Dear Bill:

As a fellow Southern Baptist, I can sympathize with your predicament. Although when I was president I merely lusted in my heart, I have to admit that had I served another term, my lust might have broken free and moved down my body. God bless you in this time of trial.

Jimmy Carter
----------------------

Dear Bill:

OK, so I'll never be president, but at least Donna Rice was a fox!

Gary Hart
----------------------

My Dear Chap:

This is a bit of a sticky wicket, but if I were you, I should ask that charming Jay Leno fellow to see you through. Pop onto his show, admit that you made an ass of yourself and all will be forgiven.

Hugh Grant
----------------------

Bill:

They entrapped me, they framed me, they caught me in a motel with drugs and a prostitute, but I bounced back and so can you!

Mayor Marion more...

Settling scores

Hot 5 years ago

A Pakistani soldier was caught trespassing in the private quarter of a home. The houseowner hauled him out into the street and both he and his son began to thrash him. A passerby joined them. The military police rescued the soldier and arrested the three men. They were arraigned before a military court.
Assaulting a man in military uniform is a very serious crime, punishable by death,' said the presiding officer to the three accused.' What explanations have you to offer as extenuating circumstances?'
The elderly houseowner replied:' Sir, I caught this man trying to molest my daughter. The honour of a Pakistani daughter is more sacred than one's life.'
'Quite right!', agreed the presiding officer.' And what do you have to say?', He asked the houseowner's son.
'Sir, this fellow was. trying to take liberties with my sister. The honour of a Pakistani sister is more precious that one's life/ he replied.
'Quite right!' agreed the presiding officer, and turned to the more...

A fellow in a bar notices a woman, always alone, who comes in on afairly regular basis. After the second week, he made his move. "No thank you," she saidpolitely." "This may sound rather odd in this day and age, but I'm keepingmyself pure until I meet the man I love." "That must be rather difficult," the man replied. "Oh, I don't mind too much," she said. "But, it has my husbandpretty upset."

A fellow picked up a girl in a bar and took her home with him. After some preliminary drinks and talk, they got undressed, climbed into bed and generally got organized for a leg over. After a few minutes, the girl started laughing. The fellow asked her what she found so amusing. "Your organ," she replied. "It's a bit on the small side." Hurt, he replied: "It's not used to playing in cathedrals."