Fat Jokes / Recent Jokes
My wife asked me for something that does nought to sixty in 5 seconds for her birthday.
I bought her a set of bathroom scales.
The wife's been on a ballooning holiday.
She put on two stone.
I went out on the piss last night and pulled a georgeous bird.
We made love several times before falling asleep in each others arms.
When I woke up though I had the shock of my life.
She'd put on 60 pounds during the night.
I was ice-skating today just minding my own business when I noticed some big fat bird kept giving me the eye.
Eventually she came over. "Hi there, I'm a bit shy I'm not very good at breaking the ice," she laughed.
"Have you tried jumping?" I asked.
Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE! !"
The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.
Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought
the box back in the house.
She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
Some of these are EXTREMELY offensive. Women who are sensitive
probably skip this. Why women!? Any FCP or men too!!
1. What's the difference between a pussy and a cunt? A pussy is warm
and moist. A cunt is what owns it.
2. What's a clitoris? A female hood ornament.
3. What's the only bad thing about the 69 position? The view.
4. Why do men fart more than women? Because women won't shut up long
enough to build up pressure.
5. Why did cave men drag their women around by the hair? Because if
you drag them around by the feet they fill up with dirt.
6. Why did god give men penises? So we'd always have at least one
way to shut a woman up!
7. What's the difference between your paycheck and your dick? You
don't have to beg a woman to blow your paycheck.
8. How is a woman like a laxative? They both irritate the shit out of you.