Fabric Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    One Kiss Per Yard

    Hot 3 months ago

    An attractive young woman approached the clerk at the department store's fabric counter. "I would like to purchase some of this material for a new outfit. How much does it cost?" she asked.
    "Only one kiss per yard," the male clerk replied smugly.
    "That's fine," she replied. "I'll take six yards."
    With great expectation written all over his face, the clerk quickly measured out the fabric, wrapped it, then held it out teasingly.
    The young woman snatched the package from his hand, pointed to the little old man standing next to her, and said with a grin, "Grandpa will pay the bill."

    A Unitarian Universalist walks into a fabric store and asks the clerk for nine yards of material. The clerk asks, "What are you going to make?" The UU says, "I'm making a nightgown for myself as a present for my husband."
    The clerk says, "But nine yards is way too much material for a nightgown."
    The UU says, "I know, but my husband would rather seek than find."

    George Carlin
    Ads in Bills:
    Have you ever noticed that they put advertisements in with your bills
    now? Like bills aren't distasteful enough, they have to stuff junk mail in there with them. I get back at them. I put garbage in with my check when I mail it in. Coffee grinds, banana peels...I write, "Could you throw this away for me? Thank you."
    Fabric Softener:
    My wife uses fabric softener. I never knew what that stuff was for. Then I noticed women were coming up to me (sniff) 'Married' (walk off). That's how they mark their territory. You can take off that ring, but it's hard to get that April fresh scent out of your clothes.
    Cripes
    My wife's from the Midwest. Very nice people there. Very wholesome. They use words like 'Cripes.' For Cripe's sake. Who would that be, Jesus Cripes? The son of 'Gosh?' of the church of 'Holy Moly.' I'm not making fun of it. You think I wanna burn in 'Heck'?
    Morning Differences:
    Men and women are different in more...

    George Carlin
    Ads in Bills:
    Have you ever noticed that they put advertisements in with your bills
    now? Like bills aren't distasteful enough, they have to stuff junk mail in there with them. I get back at them. I put garbage in with my check when I mail it in. Coffee grinds, banana peels...I write, "Could you throw this away for me? Thank you."
    Fabric Softener:
    My wife uses fabric softener. I never knew what that stuff was for. Then I noticed women were coming up to me (sniff) 'Married' (walk off). That's how they mark their territory. You can take off that ring, but it's hard to get that April fresh scent out of your clothes.
    Cripes
    My wife's from the Midwest. Very nice people there. Very wholesome. They use words like 'Cripes.' For Cripe's sake. Who would that be, Jesus Cripes? The son of 'Gosh?' of the church of 'Holy Moly.' I'm not making fun of it. You think I wanna burn in 'Heck'?
    Morning Differences:
    Men and women are different in more...

    George CarlinAds in Bills:Have you ever noticed that they put advertisements in with your billsnow? Like bills aren't distasteful enough, they have to stuff junk mail in there with them. I get back at them. I put garbage in with my check when I mail it in. Coffee grinds, banana peels...I write, "Could you throw this away for me? Thank you."
    Fabric Softener:My wife uses fabric softener. I never knew what that stuff was for. Then I noticed women were coming up to me (sniff) 'Married' (walk off). That's how they mark their territory. You can take off that ring, but it's hard to get that April fresh scent out of your clothes.
    CripesMy wife's from the Midwest. Very nice people there. Very wholesome. They use words like 'Cripes.' For Cripe's sake. Who would that be, Jesus Cripes? The son of 'Gosh?' of the church of 'Holy Moly.' I'm not making fun of it. You think I wanna burn in 'Heck'?
    Morning Differences:Men and women are different in the morning. The men wake up more...

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