Faa Jokes / Recent Jokes

An FAA inspector goes to check out Santa. They meet, and Santa shows him the fully loaded sleigh.

The inspector checks out the equipment, the load balance, etc. "Everything's looking good, Mr. Claus, so it's time we move on to the flight test." They board the sleigh.

"Why are you carrying a shotgun?," asks Santa.

The FAA inspector replies, "In this test, you're going to lose an engine on take off.

With the number of airline disasters lately, the FAA now sends an inspector to the North Pole to check out Santa Claus's sleigh before allowing him to fly on Christmas eve.
The inspector arrives and checks the reindeer and they look good, he checks the harness and it looks okay, he checks the sleigh and it is also okay. Then he says, "Santa, lets take it up for a check ride and if everything looks good I'll certify you to fly."
Santa hitches the reindeer up and taxis onto the runway and just as he's starting his takeoff roll he looks over and notices the inspector has a pump shotgun on his lap. "Hey! Whats the shotgun for!?" Santa yells.
The inspector says, "Well, Santa, I'm really not supposed to tell you this, but there is going to be an engine failure on takeoff."

Santa Claus, like all pilots, gets regular visits from the Federal
Aviation Administration (FAA). It was shortly before Christmas
when the FAA examiner arrived.

In preparation, Santa had the elves wash the sled and bathe all
the reindeer. Santa got his logbook out and made sure all his
paperwork was in order.

The examiner walked slowly around the sled. He checked the
reindeer harnesses, the landing gear and Rudolph's nose. He
painstakingly reviewed Santa's weight and balance calculations
for the sled's enormous payload.

Finally, they were ready for the checkride.

Santa got in and fastened his seat belt and shoulder harness and
checked the compass. Then the examiner hopped in carrying, to
Santa's surprise, a shotgun.

"What's that for?" asked Santa incredulously.

The examiner winked and said, "I'm not supposed to tell you this,
but you're gonna lose an more...

It seems the US Federal Aviation Administration (FAA) has a unique device for testing the strength of windshields on airplanes. The device is a gun that launches a dead chicken at a plane`s windshield at approximately the speed the plane flies.

The theory is that if the windshield doesn`t crack from the carcass impact, it`ll survive a real collision with a bird during flight. It seems the British were very interested in this and wanted to test a windshield on a brand new, speedy locomotive they`re developing.

They borrowed the FAA`s chicken launcher, loaded the chicken and fired. The ballistic chicken shattered the windshield, went through the engineer`s chair, broke an instrument panel and embedded itself in the back wall of the engine cab. The British were stunned and asked the FAA to recheck the test to see if everything was done correctly.

The FAA reviewed the test thoroughly and had one recommendation: "Use a thawed chicken."

It seems the US Federal Aviation Administration (FAA) has a unique device for testing the strength of windshields on airplanes. The device is a gun that launches a dead chicken at a plane's windshield at approximately the speed the plane flies. The theory is that if the windshield doesn't crack from the carcass impact, it'll survive a real collision with a bird during flight. It seems the British were very interested in this and wanted to test a windshield on a brand new, speedy locomotive they're developing. They borrowed the FAA's chicken launcher, loaded the chicken and fired. The ballistic chicken shattered the windshield, went through the engineer's chair, broke an instrument panel and embedded itself in the back wall of the engine cab. The British were stunned and asked the FAA to recheck the test to see if everything was done correctly. The FAA reviewed the test thoroughly and had one recommendation: "Use a thawed chicken."

1. I’m from the FAA and I’m here to help you.
2. Me? I’ve never busted minimums.
3. We will be on time, maybe even early.
4. Pardon me, ma’am, I seem to have lost my jet keys.
5. I have no interest in flying for the airlines.
6. I fixed it right the first time, it must have failed for other reasons.
7. All that turbulence spoiled my landing.
8. I’m a member of the mile high club.
9. I only need glasses for reading.
10. I broke out right at minimums.
11. The weather is gonna be alright; it’s clearing to VFR.
12. Don’t worry about the weight and balance - it’ll fly.
13. If we get a little lower I think we’ll see the lights.
14. I’m 22, got 6000 hours, a four year degree & 3000 hours in a Lear.
15. We shipped the part yesterday.
16. I’d love to have a woman co-pilot.
17. All you have to do is follow the book.
18. This plane outperforms the book by 20 percent.
19. We in aviation more...

Santa Claus, like all pilots, gets regular visits from the Federal Aviation Administration, and the FAA examiner arrived last week for the pre-Christmas flight check. In preparation, Santa had the elves wash the sled and bathe all the reindeer. Santa got his log book out and made sure all his paperwork was in order. He knew they would examine all his equipment and truly put Santa's flying skills to the test. The examiner walked slowly around the sled. He checked the reindeer harnesses, the landing gear, and even Rudolph's nose. He painstakingly reviewed Santa's weight and balance calculations for sled's enormous payload. Finally, they were ready for the check ride. Santa got in and fastened his seat belt and shoulder harness and checked the compass. Then the examiner hopped in carrying, to Santa's surprise, a shotgun. "What's that for?!?" asked Santa incredulously. The examiner winked and said, "I'm not supposed to tell you this ahead of time," as he leaned over to more...