One evening after dinner, a five-year-old son noticed that his mother had gone out and he asked, "Where did mommy go?"
In answer to his questions, he was told him, "Mommy is at a Tupperware party."
This explanation satisfied him for only a moment. Puzzled, he asked, "What's a Tupperware party, Dad?"
The man had always given my son honest answers, so he figured a simple explanation would be the best approach. "Well, son," he said, "at a Tupperware party, a bunch of
ladies sit around and sell plastic bowls to each other."
He nodded, indicating that he understood this curious pastime.
Then he burst into laughter. "Come on, Dad," he said. "What is it really?"
Years ago, CBS had a popular little series called "Gilligan's Island." There is, however, a dark secret about this "comedy" you may never have realized. The island is a direct representation of Hell.
Nobody on the island wants to be there, yet none are able to leave. Each one of the characters represents one of the 7 deadly sins:
Ginger represents LUST - she wears skimpy outfits, is obsessed with her looks, and is a borderline nymphomaniac.
Mary Ann represents ENVY - she is jealous of Ginger's beauty.
The Professor represents PRIDE - he is an annoying know-it-all.
Mr. Howell represents GREED - no explanation needed.
Mrs. Howell represents SLOTH - she has never lifted a finger to help on any of their escape plans.
The Skipper represents two sins: GLUTTONY - again, no explanation needed and ANGER - he violently hits Gilligan on each show.
This leaves Gilligan. Gilligan is the person who put them there. He prevents them from leaving by more...
The "Two Cow Explanation" of what makes...
A Christian Democrat: You have two cows. You keep one and give one to your neighbor.
A Socialist (or a Canadian New Democrat): You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
A Republican (or a Canadian Conservative): You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So what?
A Democrat (or a Canadian Liberal): You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. You vote people into office who tax your cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax. The people you voted for then take the tax money and buy a cow and give it to your neighbor. You feel righteous.
A Communist: You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
A Fascist: You have two cows. The government seizes both and sells you the milk. You join the underground and start a campaign of sabotage.
Democracy, American Style: You have two cows. The more...
A woman came up behind her husband while he was enjoying his morning coffee and slapped him on the back of the head.
"I found a piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name 'Marylou' written on it," she said, furious. "You had better have an explanation."
"Calm down, honey," the man replied. "Remember last week when I was at the dog track? That was the name of the dog I bet on. "
The next morning, his wife snuck up on him and smacked him again. "What was that for?" he complained.
"Your dog called last night."
An old man goes to his doctor, complaining about a pain in his leg that doesn't heal and wants a diagnosis and explanation. The doctor checks out his leg, but can't find anything wrong. So he gives the old guy a full physical exam, and still can't come up with any possible explanation for the pain.
The doctor hands the patient his bill and says, "I'm sorry but the pain in your leg is simply caused by old age, there's nothing I can do about it."
The old man replies with a look of disbelief, "That's impossible! That can't be!"
The Doctor says, "What do you mean? I'm the expert here; if you know so much, how can you say it's NOT old age?"
The patient answers, "I'm no doctor but it doesn't take a medical degree to tell that your diagnosis is wrong. Clearly you're mistaken. After all my other leg feels just fine."
"So what?" says the doctor "What difference does that make?"
"Well it doesn't hurt a bit, more...