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Economist

Hot 5 years ago

A mathematician, an accountant and an economist apply for the same job.
The interviewer calls in the mathematician and asks "What do two plus two equal?"
The mathematician replies "Four."
The interviewer asks "Four, exactly?" The mathematician looks at the interviewer incredulously and says
"Yes, four, exactly."
Then the interviewer calls in the accountant and asks the same question "What do two plus two equal?" The
accountant says "On average, four - give or take ten percent, but on average, four."
Then the interviewer calls in the economist and poses the same question "What do two plus two equal?"
The economist gets up, locks the door, closes the shade, sits down next to the interviewer and says "What do you want it to equal?"

The Nature of Science

Hot 3 years ago

Two scientists are talking in a lab one day and one says to the other, "Wait till you see my latest discovery. It'll blow your mind!" Naturally intrigued, the second scientist asks for a demonstration of this amazing discovery. At his request, the first scientist gets a spider out of a matchbox, places it on the desk and says, "Spider FORWARDS!" At his command, the spider moves forwards. The scientist then says, "Spider, TURN AROUND", to which the spider obeys. The scientist then says "Spider, FORWARDS", and again the spider does exactly as it is told. The second scientist, impressed with his friend's command of the spider, congratulates him on his work.

The first scientist then replies, "No, you haven't seen my discovery yet. Wait till you see *THIS*", and he then pulls all of the spiders legs off and places it back on the desk. The first scientist then repeats his order to the spider "Spider, FORWARDS", but the more...

Lamaze Class

Hot 6 years ago

A man and a woman are in a lamaze class, and the woman is 7 months pregnant. In this class, the lamaze instructor is trying to get the husbands to understand what their wives are going through. All the men put on fake bellies, and the lamaze instructor walks up to the first man and drops a pencil in front of him.
"Okay, now pick up that pencil exactly as your wife would," says the lamaze instructor.
The husband smiles slyly. "You want me to pick it up 'exactly' how my wife would? He asks.
"Yes, exactly how your wife would," the lamaze instructor repeats, impatiently.
The man looks at his wife, and says, "Honey, pick up that pencil."

The Fart Zodiac

Hot 2 years ago

Aries

The Ram. Their farts are "Built Ram Tough". They may feel like Curly-Qs coming out of their asses because their farts mimic the curves of a ram's horns. They, the farts, sometimes like to butt heads with other farts. Since people born under the sign of Aries show strong leadership and like to get things started, they are always the first ones to fart while around other people. Their farts tend to be loud since they are energetic. Do you like to hear robust farts? Too shy to be the first one to fart? Get with an Aries.

Taurus

The Bull. Their farts can be very stubborn, and once released, they can stink up a space with power for very long periods of time-longer than average. Their farts just don't want to go away. Their farts can even be kinda sharp and hurt their *******s when they come out, because they are big and mimic the sharp horns of the bull. Since Taurus people love sensual pleasures, they must take care not to over-indulge and more...

Here it is nicely illustrated:
Let's say a guy named Roger is attracted to a woman named Elaine. He asks her out to a movie; she accepts; they have a pretty good time. A few nights later he asks her out to dinner, and again they enjoy themselves. They continue to see each other regularly, and after a while neither one of them is seeing anybody else. And then, one evening when they're driving home, a thought occurs to Elaine, and, without really thinking, she says it aloud:' 'Do you realize that, as of tonight, we've been seeing each other for exactly six months?'' And then there is silence in the car. To Elaine, it seems like a very loud silence. She thinks to herself: Geez, I wonder if it bothers him that I said that. Maybe he's been feeling confined by our relationship; maybe he thinks I'm trying to push him into some kind of obligation that he doesn't want, or isn't sure of.
And Roger is thinking: Gosh. Six months.
And Elaine is thinking: But, hey, I'm not so sure I more...

Total control

Hot 6 years ago

A guy named Bob is travelling by Amtrak with two strangers sitting close to him.
He is trying to sleep, but those guys were speaking loudly for a very long time heavily criticizing George Bush, the war in Iraq, corruption, unemployment, etc.
So Bob, in an attempt to force the guys to stop talking and let him sleep, tells them as a joke, that there is a new total control system developed by the FBI that spies upon all citizens, and there are lots of listening devices everywhere, so that anyone criticizing the government would be severely punished.
This didn't have any effect on those guys, moreover they just laughed at Bob, and carried on and on, saying even more rude jokes about George Bush and the government.
Finally, close to 3:00 am, Bob goes to the restroom, and runs into the train conductor.
Bob asks the conductor to bring him some water and sleeping pills at exactly 3:00 a.m.
He goes back to his place and says loudly into the base of his seat, so that more...

On a man's 33rd birthday he gets a package at the Post Office and goes to collect it.
At the counter the woman brings his package to him, and the man says, "It's my birthday today."
"Oh, happy birthday, how old are you?", asks the Post Office worker.
"33.", says the man.
"Well, have a good day.", says the worker.
"Thank you.", replied the man.
To get home, the man has to take the bus. At the bus stop an old lady walks up and waits soon after he arrives.
The man says to the old lady,
"It's my birthday today."
"Oh, happy birthday.", says the old lady.
"I'm..."
"No don't tell me.", interjects the old lady, "I know a unique way of telling how old somebody is."
"Oh yeah? What's that then?", asks the man.
"If I can feel your balls for about 5 minutes, I can tell exactly how many years old you are.", says the old more...