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It was a sweltering August day when all three Cohen brothers entered the posh Dearborn, Michigan, offices of Henry Ford, the car maker,
"Mr. Ford," announced Norman Cohen, the eldest of the three. "We have a remarkable invention that will revolutionize the automobile industry."
Ford looked skeptical, but their threat to offer it to the competition kept his interest piqued. "We would like to demonstrate it to you in person."
After a little cajoling, they brought Mr. Ford outside and asked him to enter a black automobile parked in front of the building. Hyman Cohen, the middle brother, opened the door of the car.
"Please step inside, Mr. Ford."
"What!!!" shouted the tycoon, "Are you crazy? It must be two hundred degrees in that car !!"
"It is," smiled the youngest brother, Max, "but sit down, Mr. Ford, and push the white button." Intrigued, Ford pushed the button.
All of a sudden more...

Ticket to Heavan

Hot 6 years ago

Three men die in a car accident after a wild Christmas eve party. They all find themselves at the pearly gates waiting to enter Heaven. To enter they must each present something Christ-massy.

The first man searches his pocket, and finds some mistletoe, so he is allowed in.

The second man presents a slightly crumbled cookie, in the shape of an angel, so he is also allowed in.

The third man pulls out a pair of panties.

Confused at this last gesture, the angel asks "how do these represent Christmas?"

The man explains, "Well, they're Carol's!"

The Pearly Gates

Hot 6 years ago

A minister dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him is a guy who`s dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans. Saint Peter addresses this guy, "Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?" The guy replies, "I`m Joe Cohen, taxi-driver, of Noo Yawk City." Saint Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the taxi-driver, "Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven." The taxi-driver goes into Heaven with his robe and staff, and it`s the minister`s turn. He stands erect and booms out, "I am Joseph Snow, pastor of Saint Mary`s for the last forty-three years." Saint Peter consults his list. He says to the minister, "Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven." "Just a minute," says the minister. "That man was a taxi-driver, and he gets a silken robe and golden staff. How can this more...

Nursery Tale

Hot 5 years ago

Three nurses died and went to Heaven, where they were met at the Pearly
Gates by St. Peter.
To the first, he asked, "So, what did you used to do back on Earth? Why
do you think you should be allowed to come into Heaven?"
"I was a nurse at an inner city hospital," she replied. "I worked to bring
healing and peace to many sufferers, especially poor, helpless children."
"Very noble," said St. Peter. "You may enter." And in through the Gates
she went.
To the next, he asked the same question, "So, what did you used to do?"
"I was a nurse at a missionary hospital in the Amazon basin," she replied.
"For many years, I worked with a skeleton crew of doctors and nurses who
tried to reach out to as many people across numerous tribes, with a hand
of healing and peace, and with the message about God's love."
"How touching," said St. Peter. "You, too, more...

Modem Addiction

Hot 7 months ago

"Did you know that last month's (expletive) phone bill is over $450?" my wife scolded me in her harshest, my-husband-the-child voice. "That's more than twice the monthly payment you make for that (expletive)computer!" she continued as she escalated to screaming.
"I confess! I confess!" I sobbed. "I'm just an on-line junkie. I'm addicted to my modem! I guess I'll just have to join Modems Anonymous before I owe my soul to the phone company. "As a counselor for Modems Anonymous, I hear numerous variations of the preceding story every day. That insidious disease, modem fever, is exacting a tragically large toll from the cream of our society's computer users. Modem-mania is sweeping through the very foundations of our country and there seems to be no stopping it. This disease (yes, it is a social disease of almost epidemic proportions) is becoming a such calamity that soon there's even going to be a soap opera about on-line addiction named, more...

Power of the Press

Hot 5 years ago

A preacher wanted to raise money for his church,
and being told there was a fortune in horse
racing, he decided to purchase a horse and enter
it in the races. However, at the local auction,
the going price for horses was so high that the
preacher settled on a donkey instead. The preacher
figured, since he bought the animal, he might as
well race it. To his great surprise, the donkey
did quite well and came in third place. The next
day, the racing sheets carried this headline: Preacher Shows AssThe preacher was so pleased with the donkey that
he entered it in the races again, and this time
the animal won first place. The paper said: Preacher's Ass Out In FrontThe Bishop was so upset with this kind of
publicity that he ordered the preacher not to
enter the donkey in any more races. The newspaper
printed this headline: Bishop Scratches Preacher's AssThis was too much for the Bishop and he ordered
the preacher to get rid of the more...

How To Become A Redneck

Hot 5 years ago

Become a Redneck in 25 Easy Steps: A Manual for Yuppies
Are you a wealthy and successful suit-and-tie yuppie businessman who has always had a secret dream that you would one day become a redneck?
Have you always wanted to be a Bubba, but didn't know how?
Is there an inner Cletus inside that dapper and dignified image, just hollerin' to get out?
Well, now you can become the redneck you have always wanted to be!
Purchase the following: one pair of overalls, one pack of chewing tobacco and six cases of beer. That is all you will need to start!
Now follow the 25 easy guidelines in our manual!
Caution: These instructions MUST be followed in your BUSINESS OFFICE.
1) We assume you are a dignified, well-groomed yuppie executive; therefore, as you read this, it is also assumed you are wearing a pair of well-polished $800 Brooks Brothers black dress shoes and silk socks, a $2,000 pinstriped Armani business suit tailored for you, a $150 silk necktie with matching more...