Emperor Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    I have this posted over my desk. I don’t know who the original author is, but I always found this quote remarkable for coming to grips with unjust and nasty criticism:

    A courtier told the Emperor Constantine that a mob had broken the head of his statues with stones. The emperor lifted his hands to his head, saying: “It is very surprising, but I don’t feel hurt in the least.”

    Way back in the time of the samurai, there was a powerful emperor.
    This emperor needed a new head samurai. So, he sent out a message to everybody he knew for them to send a message to who they knew, and so forth.
    A year passes, and only three people show up: a Japanese samurai, a Chinese samurai, and a Jewish samurai. The emperor asks the Japanese samurai to come in and demonstrate why he should be head samurai.
    The Japanese samurai opens up a matchbox, and out pops a little fly.
    WHOOOOOSH. The fly drops dead on the ground in 2 pieces!
    The emperor says, "That is very impressive!"
    Then the emperor asks the Chinese samurai to come in and demonstrate why he should be head samurai. The Chinese samurai opens up a matchbox and out pops a little fly. WHOOOOOOSH. WOOOOOOOSH.
    The fly drops dead on the ground in 4 pieces!
    The emperor says, "That is really impressive!"
    Then the emperor asks the Jewish samurai to come in and demonstrate why more...

    Back in the olden days when Samurai were important, there was a powerful Japanese Emperor who needed a new Chief Samurai. So he sent out a declaration throughout the entire known world of that time that he was searching for a CHIEF Samurai. A year passed, but only 3 people applied for the very demanding position;
    1. a Japanese Samurai
    2. a Chinese Samurai
    3. a Jewish Samurai
    The emperor asked the Japanese Samurai to come in and demonstrate why he should be the chief Samurai. The Japanese Samurai opened a match box, and out popped a bumblebee. Whoosh! went his sword, and the bumblebee dropped dead on the ground.
    The emperor exclaimed "That is very impressive!"
    The emperor then issued the same challenge to the Chinese Samurai, to come in and demonstrate why
    he should be chosen. The Chinese samurai also opened a match box and out buzzed a fly. Whoosh, Whoosh! Whoosh! Whoosh! And the fly dropped dead on the ground in four small pieces.
    The emperor more...

    Back in the olden days when Samurai were important, there was a powerful Japanese Emperor who needed a new Chief Samurai. So he sent out a declaration throughout the entire known world of that time that he was searching for a CHIEF. A year passed, but only 3 people applied for the very demanding position;
    1. a Japanese Samurai
    2. a Chinese Samurai
    3. a Jewish Samurai (You snicker!? It is, apparently, possible!)
    The emperor asked the Japanese Samurai to come in and demonstrate why he should be the chief Samurai. The Japanese Samurai opened a match box, and out popped a bumblebee. Whoosh! went his sword, and the bumblebee dropped dead on the ground.
    The emperor exclaimed "That is very impressive!"
    The emperor then issued the same challenge to the Chinese Samurai, to come in and demonstrate why he should be chosen. The Chinese samurai also opened a match box and out buzzed a fly. Whoosh, Whoosh! Whoosh! Whoosh! And the fly dropped dead on the ground in more...

    Back in the time when the Samurai were important, there was a
    powerful emperor who needed a new chief Samurai, so he sent out a declaration
    throughout the land that he was searching for the best one. A year
    passed, and only 3 people showed up for the trials:
    ....a Japanese Samurai
    ....a Chinese Samurai
    ....and a Jewish Samurai.
    The emperor asked the Japanese Samurai to come in and demonstrate why
    he should be the chief Samurai.
    The Japanese Samurai opened a match box, and out flew a bumblebee.
    Whoosh! went his razor sharp sword, and the bumblebee dropped dead on
    the ground in 2 pieces.
    The emperor exclaimed: "This is impressive!"
    The emperor then issued the same challenge to the Chinese Samurai;
    for him to come in and demonstrate why he should be chosen.
    The Chinese Samurai also opened a match box, and out buzzed a fly.
    Whoosh, Whoosh! Went his great flashing sword, and the fly dropped
    dead on the ground... more...

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