Emma Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Knock Knock

    Hot 3 weeks ago

    Knock Knock
    Who's there?
    Emma!
    Emma who?
    Emma bit cold out here, can you let me in?

    Two residents of an old-age home, Elmer and Martha, are talking to each other Thursday night:
    "So Elmer, what are you doing tomorrow night?"
    "I'm going to go out with Emma."
    "Why? You can go out with me."
    "Emma is nice to me."
    "I can be nice to you. Will you go out with me?" (Coyly for a 80-year old.)
    "Welllll... I think I'll go out with Emma."
    "What are you going to do?"
    "We're going to go to the movies."
    "Why go there with Emma? You can go out to the movies with me."
    "Welllll... I think I'll go with Emma."
    "Why do you want to go to the movies only with Emma?"
    "Well, she holds my penis."
    (A slight pause while Martha thinks this over.)
    "I can do that. Why don't you go out with me instead?"
    "Welllll... I think I'll go with Emma."
    "Why go out with her? What's she got that I don't more...

    Knock Knock
    Who's there!
    Emma!
    Emma who?
    Emma pig when it comes to ice cream! Knock Knock
    Who's there!
    Emma!
    Emma who?
    Emma glad you asked me that? Knock Knock
    Who's there!
    Emma!
    Emma who?
    Emma bit cold out here, can you let me in?

    Who Made You?
    Five year old Emma was sitting on her grandfather David’s lap as he read her a bedtime story. From time to time, Emma would take her eyes off the book and reach up to touch David’s wrinkled cheek. She was alternately stroking her own cheek, then his again. Finally Emma spoke up, "Grandpa, did God make you?"
    "Yes, darling," he answered, "God made me a long time ago."
    "Oh," she paused, "Grandpa, did God make me too?"
    "Yes, indeed, sweetheart," he said, "God made you just a little while ago."
    Feeling their respective faces again, Emma observed, "God`s getting better at it, isn`t he?"

    A couple's happy married life almost went on the rocks because of the presence in the household of old Aunt Emma. For seven long years she lived with them, always crotchety, always demanding. Finally the old girl died.

    On the way back from the cemetery, the husband confessed to his wife, "Darling, if I didn't love you so much, I don't think I would have put up with having your Aunt Emma in the house all those years."

    His wife looked at him aghast. "*My* Aunt Emma!" she cried. "I thought she was *your* Aunt Emma!"

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