Embarrassing Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    The following are the top three winners from a "Most Embarrassing Moments" contest in New Woman Magazine:
    No. 1
    "While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she did not start behaving *right now*, she would be punished.
    "To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, 'If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!' The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing!
    "I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me were screams of laughter."
    No. 2
    "It was the day before my 18th birthday. I was living at home, more...

    Two dwarfs decide to treat themselves to a vacation in Vegas.
    At the hotel bar, they're dazzled by two women, and wind up taking them to their separate rooms. The first dwarf is disappointed, however, as he's unable to reach a certain physical state that would enable him to join with his "date." His depression is enhanced by the fact that from the next room he hears cries of "ONE, TWO, THREE... HUH!" all night long. In the morning, the second dwarf asks the first, "how did it go?" The first whispered back, "it was so embarrassing. I simply couldn't get an erection." The second dwarf shook his head. "You think that's embarrassing?" he asked. "I couldn't even get on the bed!"

    Two dwarfs decide to treat themselves to a vacation in Las Vegas. At the hotel bar, they're dazzled by two women, and wind up taking them to their separate rooms. The first dwarf is disappointed, however, as he's unable to reach a certain physical state that would enable him to join with his date. His depression is enhanced by the fact that, from the next room he hears cries of, "ONE, TWO, THREE...HUH!" all night long.
    In the morning, the second dwarf asks the first, "How did it go?" The first whispered back, "It was so embarrassing. I simply couldn't get an erection."
    The second dwarf shook his head. "You think that's embarrassing?" he = asked. "I couldn't even get on the bed!"

    The hungover couple dawdled over a mid-afternoon breakfast, after a particularly wild all-night party held in their fashionable apartment.

    "Dearest, this is rather embarrassing," said the husband, "but was it you I made love to in the library last night?"

    His wife looked at him reflectively, and then asked, "About what time?"

    A man entered a bar and ordered a drink. He took a sip of the drink, then promptly threw the remainder in the bartender's face. Before the bartender could recover from the surprise, the man began sobbing, "I'm so sorry. I keep doing that to bartenders. You have no idea how embarrassing it is to have a compulsion like this."
    Rather than being angry, the bartender was sympathetic. Before long, he was suggesting that the man see a psychoanalyst about his problem. "I happen to have the name of a psychoanalyst," the bartender said. "My brother has been treated by him and says he's as good as they come."
    The man wrote down the name of the doctor, thanked the bartender, and left.
    A few months later, the man returned to the bar. "Did you do what I suggested?" the bartender asked, serving the man his drink.
    "I certainly did," the man said. "I've been seeing the doctor twice a week." He then took a sip of his drink, more...

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