Embarrassing Jokes

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    Most embarrassing moments

    Hot 9 months ago

    The following are the top three winners from a "Most Embarrassing Moments" contest in New Woman Magazine:
    No. 1
    "While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she did not start behaving *right now*, she would be punished.
    "To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, 'If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!' The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing!
    "I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me were screams of laughter."
    No. 2
    "It was the day before my 18th birthday. I was living at home, more...

    Two dwarfs

    Hot 1 year ago

    Two dwarfs decide to treat themselves to a vacation in Vegas.
    At the hotel bar, they're dazzled by two women, and wind up taking them to their separate rooms. The first dwarf is disappointed, however, as he's unable to reach a certain physical state that would enable him to join with his "date." His depression is enhanced by the fact that from the next room he hears cries of "ONE, TWO, THREE... HUH!" all night long. In the morning, the second dwarf asks the first, "how did it go?" The first whispered back, "it was so embarrassing. I simply couldn't get an erection." The second dwarf shook his head. "You think that's embarrassing?" he asked. "I couldn't even get on the bed!"

    The hungover couple dawdled over a mid-afternoon breakfast, after a particularly wild all-night party held in their fashionable apartment.

    "Dearest, this is rather embarrassing," said the husband, "but was it you I made love to in the library last night?"

    His wife looked at him reflectively, and then asked, "About what time?"

    Embarrassing moments The following are the top three winners of a Most Embarrassing Moments Contest in New Woman Magazine. 1)"While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she did not start behaving *right now*, she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, 'If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!' "The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing! I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me were screams of laughter" * Amy Richardson; Stafford, Virginia 2)"It was the day before my eighteenth birthday. I was more...

    Jeeto came into her doctor's office and confessed to an embarrassing problem: "I fart all the time Doctor but they're soundless, and they have no odor. In fact, since I've been here, I've farted no less than twenty times. What can I do?"
    "Here's a prescription, Mrs. Santa. Take these pills three times a day for seven days and come back and see me in a week."
    The next week, an upset Jeeto marched into Doctor's office: "Doc, I don't know what was in those pills, but the problem is worse! I'm farting just as much, and they're still soundless, but now they smell terrible! What do you have to say for yourself ?"
    "Calm down, Mrs. Santa," said the doctor soothingly. "Now that we've fixed your sinuses, we'll work on your hearing."

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