Eliot Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Famous Peoples' Conjectures
    On Why the Chicken Crossed the Road
    Walt Whitman: To cluck the song of itself.
    Jack Nicholson: 'Cause it (censored) wanted to. That's the (censored)
    John Paul Jones: It has not yet begun to cross!
    Ralph Waldo Emerson: It didn't cross the road; it transcended it.
    Aristotle: To actualize its potential.
    Roseanne Barr: Urrrrrp. What chicken?
    Pyrrho the Skeptic: What road?
    William Shakespeare: I don't know why, but methinks I could rattle off a
    hundred-line soliloquy without much ado.
    Thomas Paine: Out of common sense.
    TS Eliot: Weialala leia / Wallala leialala.
    Groucho Marx: Chicken? What's all this talk about chicken? Why, I had an
    uncle who thought he was a chicken. My aunt almost divorced him, but we
    needed the eggs.
    Karl Marx: To escape the bourgeois middle-class struggle.
    Mark Twain: The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.
    Mr. Scott: 'Cos ma wee transporter more...

    Has anybody attempted a compilation of the hilarious things kids do
    and say in the process of growing up? If not, I am willing to act as
    a collector of these stories. Email me, and I'll repost as the list
    grows. To start things off (or to add to someone else's list) I have
    the following two stories:
    Story #1: Told to me by a former co-worker.
    Eliot was about 3 when he and his dad paid a visit to a local mall.
    Eliot began to misbehave, so his dad picked him up and proceeded to
    carry him out of the store. As they made their way to the exit, Eliot
    yelled out, "Hey mister, put me down."
    [You can guess what they taught Eliot in preschool.]
    Story #2: Told to me by a school principal at a panel discussion on
    "Is your child ready for kindergarten?"
    The principal was visiting the kindergarten class, as was his daily
    habit. The teacher was teaching the children about colors. She asked
    the class if anyone knew what more...

    Many people have noticed that Tolkien's novel "The Lord of the
    Rings" bears an uncanny resemblance to the game of Dungeons and
    Dragons, in that it contains elves, dwarves, orcs and so forth.
    Clearly Tolkien was much influenced by D&D, and a recently
    unearthed recording, probably made by MI5, shows him playing
    Dungeons and Dragons on the floor of his rooms in Merton College,
    Oxford, one evening, with C.S. Lewis, Charles Williams, and
    various other luminaries.
    Here is part of the transcript of the recording, which all will
    agree is of great historical interest.
    C.S. Lewis: Well, Tom, it's really good of you to come along and
    act as Dungeon Master for the evening. Haven't enjoyed myself so
    much since I played in G.K. Chesterton's dungeon and slew Father
    T.S. Eliot (for it is he): Thanks. Anyway, is Father Aslan going
    to go and explore the Waste Land further yet, or will he have
    another drink?
    Lewis: That more...

    T" bar, drinking
    T. S. Eliot is an "T. S. Eliot is an anagram of Toilets.

    To actualize its potential.
    Roseanne Barr:
    Urrrrrp. What chicken?
    George Bush:
    To face a kinder, gentler thousand points of headlights.
    Julius Caesar:
    To come, to see, to conquer.
    To cultivate its garden.
    Bill the Cat:
    Oop Ack.
    If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken-nature.
    Know ye that it is unclean to eat the chicken that has crossed the road, and that the chicken that crosseth the road doth so for its own preservation.
    Joseph Conrad:
    Mistah Chicken, he dead.
    Howard Cosell:
    It may very well have been one of the most astonishing events to grace the annals of history. An historic, unprecedented avian biped with the temerity to attempt such an herculean achievement formerly relegated to homo sapiens pedestrians is truly a remarkable occurrence.
    Salvador Dali:
    The Fish.
    It was the logical next step after coming down from the more...

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