Eliminate Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Starbucks is going to eliminate trans fat from its stores. Said founder Howard Shultz, "Our new trans-fat free Frappacino will pad your ass without clogging your arteries."

    How to Avoid The Flu

    Hot 2 years ago

    Eat right! Make sure you get your daily dose of fruits and veggies.

    Take your vitamins and bump up your vitamin C.

    Get plenty of exercise because exercise helps build your immune system.

    Walk for at least hour a day, go for a swim, take the stairs instead of the elevator, etc.

    Wash your hands often. If you can't wash them, keep a bottle of antibacterial stuff around. -

    Get lots of fresh air. Open windows whenever possible.

    Get plenty of rest

    Try to eliminate as much stress from your life as you can.

    OR. .. You can take the doctors office approach. Think about it, when you go for a shot, what do they do first? Clean your arm with alcohol.

    Why? Because alcohol kills germs.

    SO. .. I walk to the liquor store (exercise),

    I put lime in my Corona (fruit), celery in my Bloody Mary veggies), drink on the bar patio (fresh air), get drunk, tell jokes, and laugh (eliminate more...

    1. Avoid alliteration

    Hot 2 years ago

    1. Avoid alliteration. Always. 2. Never use a long word when a diminutive one will do. 3. Employ the vernacular. 4. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc. 5. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary. 6. Remember to never split an infinitive. 7. Contractions aren't necessary. 8. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos. 9. One should never generalize. 10. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."11. Comparisons are as bad as cliches. 12. Don't be redundant; don't use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous. 13. Be more or less specific. 14. Understatement is always best. 15. One-word sentences? Eliminate. 16. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake. 17. The passive voice is to be avoided. 18. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms. 19. Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed. 20. Who needs rhetorical questions? 21. Exaggeration is a billion times worse more...

    Obama said today he would eliminate nuclear weapons. Right after he eliminated poverty, disease and sadness...

    With Obama, we can expect a world safe for puppies.....

    1. Verbs has to agree with their subjects. 2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with. 3. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction. 4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.5. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat.)6. Also, always avoid annoying alliteration.7. Be more or less specific.8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.9. Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.10. No sentence fragments.11. Contractions aren't necessary and shouldn't be used.12. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos. 13. Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous.14. One should NEVER generalize.15. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.16. Don't use no double negatives.17. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.18. One-word sentences? Eliminate.19. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.20. The passive voice is to be ignored.21. Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words more...

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