Eat Jokes / Recent Jokes

On A Picnic

Hot 5 years ago

Once there were three turtles. One day they decided to go on a picnic. When they got there, they realized they had forgotten the soda.
The youngest turtle said he would go home and get it if they wouldn't eat the sandwiches until he got back.
A week went by, then a month, finally a year, when the two turtles said, "oh, come on, and let’s eat the sandwiches."
Suddenly the little turtle popped up from behind a rock and said, "if you do, i won't go!"

God created the donkey & said to him: " You will work unceasingly from sunrise to sunset carrying burdens on your back. You will eat grass, you will have no intelligence & you will live 50 years. You will be a donkey. " The donkey answered: " I will be a donkey, but to live 50 years is too much. Give me only 20 years. God granted his wish. God created the dog and said to him: "You will be a dog. " You will guard the house of man. You will be his best friend. You will eat the scraps that he gives you and you will live 25 years. You will be a dog. " The dog answered: " Sir, to live 25 years is too much, you give me only 10 years. God granted his wish. God created the Monkey and said to him: " You will be a monkey. " You will swing from branch to branch doing tricks. You will be amusing and you will live 20 years. You will be a monkey. " The monkey answered: " Sir, to live 20 years is too much, you give me only 10 years. God granted more...

The most enjoyable way to follow a vegetable diet is to let the cow eat it, and then eat the cow.

I couldn't work out whether to laugh or be offended by some of these!

TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING ENGLISH
1.Two World Wars and One World Cup, doo-dah doo-dah.
2.Proper beer
3.You get to confuse everyone with the rules of cricket.
4.You get to accept defeat graciously in major sporting events
5.Union jack underpants.
6.Water shortages guaranteed every single summer
7.You can live in the past and imagine you are still a world power.
8.Bathing once a week-whether you need to or not.
9.Ditto changing underwear
10.Beats being Welsh.
10a. Or Scottish

TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING FRENCH
1.When speaking fast you can make yourself sound gay.
2.Experience the joy of winning the world cup for the first time.
3.You get to eat insect food like snails and frog's legs.
4.If there's a war you can surrender really early.
5.You don't have to read the subtitles on those late night films on SBS
6.You can more...

You Know You're A Wog..

Hot 6 years ago

YOU KNOW YOU ARE A WOG WHEN...................

1. You can bench press 325 pounds, shave twice a day, but you still cry when your mother yells at you.

2. You carry your lunch in a Weston Produce bag because you can't fit 2 falafel chicken sandwiches, 4 oranges, 3 bananas, a jar of olives, a loaf of bread and a kebab into a regular paper lunch bag.

3. Your father owns 5 houses, has $300, 000 in the bank, but still drives a' 76 Monaro/Kingswood.

4. Your mother owns 3 houses, has $400, 000 in the bank but still believes she's entitled to the pension.

5. You share one bathroom with your 5 brothers and 7 sisters, have no money, but drive a $75, 000 Club Sport.

6. Your mechanic, plumber, electrician, accountant and travel agent are all related somehow.

7. You consider dunking a pack of Teddy Bear bikkies in coffee a nutritious breakfast.

8. There are at least 30 pairs of slippers in your front hall more...

extreme bumper stickers

Hot 3 years ago

: Whitewater is over when the First Lady sings.

If you can read this, I can hit my brakes and sue you.

Keep honking while I reload.

Sure you can trust the government! Just ask an Indian!

Alcohol and calculus don't mix. Never drink and derive.

If we are what we eat; I'm cheap, fast, and easy.

Stop repeat offenders. Don't re-elect them!

So... who lit the fuse on your tampon?

Support cannibalism -- EAT ME!

I don't have a license to kill. I have a learner's permit.

I wasn't born a bitch. Men like you made me this way.

Taxation WITH representation isn't so hot, either!

Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.

5 days a week my body is a temple. The other two, it's an amusement park.

EARTH FIRST! We'll strip-mine the other planets later.

Your child may be an honor student but you're still an idiot.

If you more...

How did Frankenstein's monster eat his lunch? He bolted it down.