Ducks Jokes / Recent Jokes

Long Island Duck

Hot 4 years ago

This lady in N.Y. City use to go to a corner store that sells ducks and she was known to go there to by a Long Island duck at all times, one day she did her usual routine and stop at that corner store to by a Long Island duck, she notest a new owner operating the store so she ask him for a Long Island duck, the man went to the back and grab a duck and give it to her, she toke the duck, put's her finger in the ducks ass and says, excuse me sir but I asked for a Long Island duck and this is a new jersey duck, so the man looked at her, went to the back and grab another duck, gives it to her and again she put's her finger in the duck's ass and says, excuse me again sir but I've told you that I want a Long Island duck and this is a New York duck, the man looked at her angry, goes to the back and grabs another one and gives it to her, she did the inspection again and said, sir, finally you got it right, this is a long Island duck! By the way sir you look new here, where you from? The man more...

A man buys a brand new Grand Cherokee for $30, 000+, and has $400. 00+ in monthly payments. He's pretty proud of this rig and gets ahold of his friend to do some male bonding with the new ride. They go duck hunting and of course all the lakes are frozen. These two Atomic Brains go to the lake with their guns, the dog, the beer and of course the new vehicle. They drive out onto the ice. Now, they want to make some kind of a natural landing area to attract ducks - something the decoys will float on. Remember it's all ice, and in order to make a hole large enough to interest a flock of ducks - a hole big enough to entice ducks to land, they needed to use a little more than an ice hole drill... Sooo, out of the back of the brand-new Jeep Grand Cherokee comes a stick of dynamite with a short 40-second fuse. Now to their credit, these two rocket scientists DID take into consideration that if they placed the stick of dynamite on the ice at a location far from where they (and the new Grand more...

Truly stupid people

Hot 1 year ago

A man buys a brand new Grand Cherokee for $30, 000+, and has $400. 00+ in monthly payments. He`s pretty proud of this rig and gets ahold of his friend to do some male bonding with the new ride. They go duck hunting and of course all the lakes are frozen. These two Atomic Brains go to the lake with their guns, the dog, the beer and of course the new vehicle.

They drive out onto the ice. Now, they want to make some kind of a natural landing area to attract ducks - something the decoys will float on.

Remember it`s all ice, and in order to make a hole large enough to interest a flock of ducks - a hole big enough to entice ducks to land, they needed to use a little more than an ice hole drill...

Sooo, out of the back of the brand-new Jeep Grand Cherokee comes a stick of dynamite with a short 40-second fuse. Now to their credit, these two rocket scientists DID take into consideration that if they placed the stick of dynamite on the ice at a location far from more...

hunting

Hot 3 years ago

Chester and Earl are going hunting. Chester says to Earl,
"I'll send my dog out to see if there are any ducks out in the pond. If there aren't any ducks out there, I'm not going hunting." So he sends the dog out to the pond. The dog comes back and barks twice.
Chester says, "Well I'm not going to go out. He only saw two ducks out there." Earl says, "You're going to take the dog's barks for the truth?" Earl doesn't believe it, so he goes to look for himself.
When he gets back he says, "I don't believe it where did you get that dog? There really are only two ducks out there!"
Chester says, "Well, I got him from the breeder up the road.
If you want, you can get one from him, too."
So Earl goes to the breeder and says he wants a dog like the one his friend Chester has. The breeder obliges and Earl brings the dog home, tells it to go out and look for ducks. Minutes later the dog returns with a stick in it's more...

The math professor's six-year-old son knocks at the door of his father's study.
"Daddy", he says. "I need help with a math problem I couldn't do at school."
"Sure", the father says and smiles. "Just tell me what's bothering you."
"Well, it's a really hard problem: There are four ducks swimming in a pond, when two more ducks come and join them. How many ducks are now swimming in the pond?"
The professor stares at his son with disbelief: "You couldn't do that?! All you need to know is that 4 + 2 = 6!"
"Do you think, I'm stupid?! Of course, I know that 4 + 2 = 6. But what does this have to do with ducks!?"

A ducks walks into a bar and asks, "Got any grapes?"The bartender, confused, tells the ducks that no, his bar doesn't serve grapes. The duck thanks him and leaves. The next day, the duck returns and says, "Got any grapes?"Again, the bartender tells him that, no, the bar does not serve grapes, has never served grapes, and, furthermore, will never serve grapes. The duck, a little ruffled, thanks him and leaves. The next day, the duck returns, but before he can say anything, the bartender begins to yell: ''Listen, duck! This is a bar! We do not serve grapes! If you ever ask for grapes again, I will nail your stupid duck beak to the bar!'' The duck is silent for a moment, and then asks, ''Got any nails?'' Confused, the bartenders says no. ''Good!'' says the duck. ''Got any grapes?''

A blonde, brunet, and red head all went to heaven. When they entered the one rule for them to follow was to never step on a duck. Well the problem was that there was ducks everywhere. If you did step on a duck then you were chained to the uglyiest man in heaven. Well one day sure enough the blonde steps on a duck and she is chained to the uglyiest man in heaven. Well the brunet and the red head are getting along good. But one day the brunet steps on a duck and is chained to the second uglyiest man in heaven. Well after that the red head is espicially carefull and she never does step on a duck. But one day sudenly a very handsome man is chained to her and she asks what did I do to get such a privalige? And the man says I steped on a duck.