Drug Addict Jokes / Recent Jokes

Ted Haggard has emerged from rehab "completely heterosexual." Obviously, he's still doing meth.

The Fox network plans to air an interview called "O.J. Simpson: If I Did It, Here's How It Happened," in which O.J. tells "how he would have committed" the murders of his ex-wife and her friend. It will be followed by a special called, “Fox: If We Had No Class, Here’s What We’d Air.”

Canadian courts have given two Toronto college professors the right to smoke medical marijuana at school. Matthew McConaughey and Willie Nelson are enrolling in the PhD program.

To encourage their pandas to breed in captivity, a zoo in Thailand will play porn videos for the male bear. Members of Congress and top evangelical leaders have been asked to donate their collections.

U.S. intelligence officials believe Fidel Castro has terminal stomach, colon, or pancreatic cancer. In recent photos, Castro is seen wearing a warm-up jacket the CIA says is loose enough to hide a colostomy bag or weapons of mass destruction.

More than 700 people on a more...

Joe Namath's daughter was caught by police before she was able to get rid of some marijuana and beer in her car. Guess she didn't inherit the famous Namath "quick release"!

An uncle was arrested after police found a videotape that appears to show him teaching his 2- and 5-year-old nephews to smoke marijuana.

The man faces one charge of "being the coolest uncle ever."

Two years ago, scientists had high hopes for new pills that would help people quit smoking, lose weight and maybe kick other tough addictions like sex, alcohol and cocaine.
Studies have shown that these pills led to depression. Odd, that removing all the things that bring joy to life would bring on depression,

...2 medical marijuana clubs in Oakland, CA were broken into and robbed of their inventory. Police have no suspects. Operators of the clubs believe the robberies are connected and are launching a joint investigation.

The DEA has issued a warning that criminals are currently manufacturing knives that shoot bullets. A brilliant notion, really. Disguising weapons as... OTHER weapons.
The criminals are next developing a plan to disguise heroin as crack-cocaine. Genius.