Dreamt Jokes / Recent Jokes

This married couple wakes up during the X-mas season.
The wife says, "I had the weirdest dream. I dreamt that our X-mas tree was decorated with dicks and on top was the biggest, hardest, smoothest dick I have ever seen."
"I suppose that was mine," the hubby said proudly.
"No, I think maybe it belonged to Brad Pitt," she replied. "Oh yeah," he said snottily. "Well I had a similiar dream."
"I dreamt that our tree was decorated with pussies and on top was the wettest, best looking pussy I have ever seen."
"And I suppose that was mine?" she asked. "Nope. Yours was holding up the tree!"

Two small boys, one catholic and one protestant get lost in the woods.
Darkness comes down and they near a monastery. Upon entering they are asked their faith, telling the head monk their religions.
The Catholic lad gets the best of treatment, good food, a good bed near the fireplace. The protestant lad however gets a bowl of cold gruel, and is told to sleep by the drafty door to keep the cold out of the room.
In the morning the head monk asks the boys how it was. "I dreamt I was in heaven, Father" said the Catholic boy. "It was just wonderful."
"I dreamt that I was in hell " said the protestant boy. "And what was that like?" said the holy father. "Just like this place, couldn't get near the fire for catholics!"

Last night I dreamt I was dancing with the most beautiful girl in the worldWhat was I wearing?

"Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the letters "mt".

A SARDARJI woke up one morning and told his wife that he had a terrible dream'.'I dreamt that I had become a widower, a randa".
The Sardarni Sahiba retorted: "The Guru forbid! May you live long. Instead of making you a ramda, let Him make me a randee-widow."

Two small boys, one catholic and one protestant get lost in the woods. Darkness comes down and they near a monestary. Upon entering they are asked their faith, telling the head monk their religions. The catholic lad gets the best of treatment, good food, a good bed near the fireplace. The protestant lad however gets a bowl of cold gruel, is told to sleep by the draughty door to keep the cold out of the room. In the morning the head monk asks the boys how it was. "I dreamt I was in heaven Father " said the catholic boy. "It was just wonderful" "I dreamt that I was in hell " said the protestant boy. "And what was that like?" said the holy father. "Just like this place, couldn't get near the fire for catholics"

Wife: "I dreamt they were auctioning off dicks. The big ones went for ten dollars and the thick ones went for twenty dollars."
Husband: "How about the ones like mine?"
Wife: "Those they gave away."
Husband: "I had a dream too... I dreamt they were auctioning off cunts. The pretty ones went for a thousand dollars, and the little tight ones went for two thousand."
Wife: "And how much for the ones like mine?"
Husband: "That's where they held the auction."