Downloaded Jokes

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    "Did you know that last month's (expletive) phone bill is over $450?" my wife scolded me in her harshest, my-husband-the-child voice. "That's more than twice the monthly payment you make for that (expletive)computer!" she continued as she escalated to screaming.
    "I confess! I confess!" I sobbed. "I'm just an on-line junkie. I'm addicted to my modem! I guess I'll just have to join Modems Anonymous before I owe my soul to the phone company. "As a counselor for Modems Anonymous, I hear numerous variations of the preceding story every day. That insidious disease, modem fever, is exacting a tragically large toll from the cream of our society's computer users. Modem-mania is sweeping through the very foundations of our country and there seems to be no stopping it. This disease (yes, it is a social disease of almost epidemic proportions) is becoming a such calamity that soon there's even going to be a soap opera about on-line addiction named, more...

    The Ten Commandments
    1. Thou shall not squeeze too hard on the opposite sexes genetalia
    2. Thou shall not ask for a kiss, just give one or take one
    3. Thou shall kiss at every given opportunity
    4. If thou kissed someone, and was slapped, thou shalt not kiss her again.
    5. Thou shall never bite when in the act of french kissing
    6. Thou shall not pay for sexual intercourse
    7. Thou shall not date members of state or Musicians
    8. Thou shall not have sexual intercourse in public convieniences.
    9. thou should never turn down free sexual intercourse
    10. Procreate at will
    Religions of the world
    Taoism: Shit happens
    Confucianism: Confucius say, shit happens
    Hinduism: This shit has happened before
    Buddhism: Shit happens, yet shit does not happen
    Islam: Shit happens, is Allah wills
    Judaism: Why does this shit always happen to me?
    Protestantism: Let shit happen to other people
    Catholicism: If shit more...

    [This is an original creation except as noted below]
    [For the occassional hermit out there without a mail drop, America Online
    has been distributing "10 Hours Free" disks like crazy. They come with
    magazines, they come by themselves, they are attached to trade journals
    etc. I have about ten of them now. I have never expressed an interest
    in AOL but these disks keep mounting up.]
    Things to do about all of your AOL disks.
    Collect two solar masses worth and detonate the sun. [copied from
    a signature seen on the net.]
    Activate each account with a different cartoon character name like
    Bullwinkle, Barney Rubble, Tasmanian Devil, etc. See if you run out
    of names before you run out of disks.
    Activate the disks one at a time. For each disk you activate, download
    enough files to fill up the reformatted activation disk. Don't stop
    until you have downloaded all data AOL has to offer. Use remaining
    unactivated disks for backup more...

    [For the occasional hermit out there without a mail drop, America Online has been distributing "10 Hours Free" disks like crazy. They come with magazines, they come by themselves, they are attached to trade journals etc. I have about ten of them now. I have never expressed an interest in AOL but these disks keep mounting up.]
    Collect two solar masses worth and detonate the sun.
    Activate each account with a different cartoon character name like Bullwinkle, Barney Rubble, Tasmanian Devil, etc. See if you run out of names before you run out of disks.
    Activate the disks one at a time. For each disk you activate, download enough files to fill up the reformatted activation disk. Don't stop until you have downloaded all data AOL has to offer. Use remaining unactivated disks for backup of downloaded data.
    Get 1000 people to all activate all of their disks at the same time. Monitor trade journals to see which disk storage manufacturer gets AOL's order for new more...

    "Did you know that last month's (expletive) phone bill is over $450?" my wife scolded me in her harshest, my-husband-the-child voice. "That's more than twice the monthly payment you make for that (expletive)computer!" she continued as she escalated to screaming." I confess! I confess!" I sobbed. "I'm just an on-line junkie. I'm addicted to my modem! I guess I'll just have to join Modems Anonymous before I owe my soul to the phone company. "As a counselor for Modems Anonymous, I hear numerous variations of the preceding story every day. That insidious disease, modem fever, is exacting a tragically large toll from the cream of our society's computer users. Modem-mania is sweeping through the very foundations of our country and there seems to be no stopping it. This disease (yes, it is a social disease of almost epidemic proportions) is becoming a such calamity that soon there's even going to be a soap opera about on-line addiction named, "All more...

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