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    1. Download a piece of Web authoring software - 20 minutes.
    2. Think about what you want to write on your Web page - 6 weeks.
    3. Download the same piece of Web authoring software, because they have released 3 new versions since the first time you downloaded it - 20 minutes.
    4. Decide to just steal some images and awards to put on your site - 1 minute.
    5. Visit sites to find images and awards, find 5 of them that you like - 4 days.
    6. Run setup of your Web authoring software. After it fails, download it again - 25 minutes.
    7. Run setup again, boot the software, click all toolbar buttons to see what they do - 15 minutes.
    8. View the source of others' pages, steal some, change a few words here and there - 4 hours.
    9. Preview your Web page using the Web Authoring software - 1 minute.
    10. Try to horizontally line up two related images - 6 hours.
    11. Remove one of the images - 10 seconds.
    12. Set the text's font color to the same color as your more...

    Download a piece of Web authoring software: 20 minutes.
    Think about what you want to write on your Web page: 6
    weeks.
    Download the same piece of Web authoring software,
    because they have released 3 new versions since the first
    time you downloaded it: 20 minutes.
    Decide to just steal some images and awards to put on
    your site: 1 minute.
    Visit sites to find images and awards, find 5 of them
    that you like: 4 days.
    Run setup of your Web authoring software. After it fails,
    download it again: 25 minutes.
    Run setup again, boot the software, click all toolbar
    buttons to see what they do: 15 minutes.
    View the source of others' pages, steal some, change a
    few words here and there: 4 hours.
    Preview your Web page using the Web Authoring software:
    1 minute.
    Try to horizontally line up two related images: 6
    hours.
    Remove one of the images: 10 seconds.
    Set the text's font color to the same color as more...

    1.) You listen to it before you go to sleep 2.) You have you favorite songs in Mp2, Mp3, wav, and midi format 3.) You know the name of the song by hearing the first ten seconds of the song 4.) You tell your friends that Minmei is a bigger pop star then Michael Jackson and your friends point at you and laugh and say "Ha Michael Jackson" 5.) You go to Japan just to buy the Robot Carnival soundtrack 6.) You have all the Sailor Moon CDs 7.) You go to Japan and the only anime soundtrack that you bought is the North American Sailor Moon CD 8.) Somebody asked you if you listen to Smashing Pumpkins and you ask them what anime did they do 9.) You buy a CD player just for those Ranma CDs, love that Doco 10.) You have arguments which female band is sexier Spice Girls, En Vogue, or Doco 11.) You can actually say which member of Doco sounds better (Megumi Hayashibara in my opinion) 12.) J-pop is next on your list 13.) Zip disk and Jaz disks filled with anime music that you downloaded more...

    Dear Tech Support,
    Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5. 0 to Husband 1. 0 and noticed a
    distinct slow down in overall system performance -- particularly in the
    flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under
    Boyfriend 5. 0.

    In addition, Husband 1. 0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such
    as Romance 9. 5 and Personal Attention 6. 5 and then installed
    undesirable programs such as Return-Home- Early 4. 2.
    Conversation 8. 0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2. 6 simply crashes
    the system. I've tried running Nagging 5. 3 to fix these problems, but to
    no avail.

    What can I do?
    Signed, Desperate
    ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ------
    Dear Desperate:
    First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5. 0 is an Entertainment Package, while
    Husband 1. 0 is an Operating System.
    Please enter the command: "http: I Thought You Loved Me. html" and try more...

    "Did you know that last month's (expletive) phone bill is over $450?" my wife scolded me in her harshest, my-husband-the-child voice. "That's more than twice the monthly payment you make for that (expletive)computer!" she continued as she escalated to screaming.
    "I confess! I confess!" I sobbed. "I'm just an on-line junkie. I'm addicted to my modem! I guess I'll just have to join Modems Anonymous before I owe my soul to the phone company. "As a counselor for Modems Anonymous, I hear numerous variations of the preceding story every day. That insidious disease, modem fever, is exacting a tragically large toll from the cream of our society's computer users. Modem-mania is sweeping through the very foundations of our country and there seems to be no stopping it. This disease (yes, it is a social disease of almost epidemic proportions) is becoming a such calamity that soon there's even going to be a soap opera about on-line addiction named, more...

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