Diving Jokes / Recent Jokes
The Guardian of 8th August reports that the U.S publishers of a book
on sky diving, called "Easy Sky Diving," have hurriedly recalled all
copies of the book to insert an erratum slip. It reads: "Please make
the following correction. On page 8 line 7, 'State zip code' should
read 'Pull rip cord'."
there were 3 guys that went sky diving. one dropped a pebbleand jumped.the second dropped a rock. and the third dropped a grenade. when the first guy landed he was a little kid crying so he asked "hey kid why are you crying" and the kid replied "I just got nailed by some moron that threw a pebble at me." when the second guy landed he saw a man with a big bump on his head so he asked "how did you get that big bump on your head?" and the man replied "some moron threw a rock at me." when the third guy landed he saw this little kid laughing so hard his face turned red. so he aske "hey kid whats so funny?" and the little kid replies"my daddy farted and the house blew up."
Why don't blind people go sky diving? It frightens the dog.
It was Mr. Hardy's lifelong dream to go scuba diving, and one day he decided to do it. He went to a sporting goods store and spent a fortune on scuba diving gear. He got everything he needed and more - outfit, oxygen tanks - the works.
The next morning he drove out to a reef, put on his gear, and plunged into the ocean. As he dove deeper, he spotted a man swimming near the bottom in just his swimming trunks. Getting out his underwater notepad, Mr. Hardy scrawled a message ot the man that said, "How can you swim without scuba-diving gear?"
The man took the notepad from Mr. Hardy and wrote back, "I'm not swimming, you idiot! I'm drowning!"
When Mr.. Wilkins answered the door late in the evening one day after he'd lost his wife scuba diving, he was greeted by two grim-faced policemen.' We're sorry to call on you at this hour, Mr. Wilkens, but we have some information about your wife.'
'Well...tell me!' he demanded.
The policeman said,' We have some bad news, some pretty good news, and some really great news. Which do you want to hear first?'
Fearing the worse, Mr. Wilkins said,' Give me the bad news first.'
So the policeman said,' I'm sorry to tell you sir, but we found your wife's body this morning in San Francisco Bay.'
'OH MY GOD!,' said Mr. Wilkens, overcome by emotion. Then, remembering what the policeman had said, he asked,' What's the good news?'
'Well,' said the policeman,' When we pulled her up she had two five-pound lobsters and a dozen good size Dungeoness crabs on her.'
'Huh?' he said, not understanding.' So, what's the great more...
Diving Deep One day a diver was enjoying the aquatic world 20 ft below sea level. He noticed a guy at the same depth he was, but he had on no scuba gear whatsoever.
The diver went below another 20 ft, but the guy joined him a few minutes later. The diver went below 25 ft, but minutes later, the same guy joined him. This confused the diver, so he took out a waterproof chalk-and-board set, and wrote, "How the hell are you able to stay under this deep without equipment?"
The guy took the board and chalk, erased what the diver had written, and wrote -
"I'M DROWNING, YOU MORON!!!"
1) Stand on top of the high board and say you won't come down until your demands are met.
2) Tell the lifeguards that they aren't doing their jobs because you have seen at least 15 people kind of almost drown today.
3) Ask people if they have seen your pet shark.
4) Sit in the baby pool and play with the toys.
5) Take a flutter board and pretend you can't swim.
6) Hit strangers with your flutter board.
7) Ask an attractive lifeguard to practice CPR on you.
8) Sit in front of a water jet, make moaning sounds and say,' 'Oh yeah... oooh that feels soooo good....''
9) Sit on the top of the water slide and don't move.
10) Swim near someone and go' 'Shoot! I knew I shouldn't have had so much lemonade before I came here.''
11) Insist that you saw a monster at the bottom of the pool.
12) Pretend to drown and then when someone tries to help you, say' 'HA-HA, fooled you!''
13) Scream as someone is jumping off of a diving more...