Diving Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Endurance Swimmer

    Hot 5 months ago

    A man met a gorgeous woman and knew immediately that he wanted to marry her. "But, we don't know anything about each other," she said.
    "That doesn't matter," he replied. "We'll learn about each other as we go along."
    So, she agreed. They married and went to a beautiful resort for their honeymoon.
    One morning, as they were laying by the pool, he got up off of his towel, climbed up to the diving board, and did a two and a half tuck gainer. This was followed by three rotations in a jackknife position, where he straightened out and cut the water like a knife. After a few more demonstrations, he came back and lay down on the towel.
    "Wow," she said, "That was incredible!"
    "I used to be an Olympic diving champion," he explained. "See, I told you we'd learn more about each other as we went along."
    With that, she got up, jumped into the pool, and started swimming laps. After about thirty laps, she more...

    The "'Tis Bottle"

    Hot 3 years ago

    Once upon a time, there was a fellow who was down on his luck,
    and as he was looking through the classifieds, he saw an
    intriguing ad offering a ten million dollar reward to the person
    who could find and retrieve, intact, something called a "tis
    bottle."
    Having nothing to lose, he calls the man who placed the ad. "I
    absolutely must have this bottle, and there are only three
    surviving in the world," the wealthy man tells him, "one is in
    the heart of the deepest jungle, one is at the bottom of the
    coldest, darkest sea, and one is at the top of the highest
    mountain. I will pay your expenses for however long it takes to
    bring me one of these bottles, as well as giving you the ten
    million."
    Being an adventurous fellow, he decides to accept the offer.
    First, he gathers a retinue of guides and hunters to go with him
    into the jungle. He studies for months to prepare, and when he
    is more...

    A doctor goes into a sanitarium one day to check up on the patients. He sees they are all lined up with bathing suits on, jumping into the air and landing hard on the floor.
    He asks them what they are doing, and they all answer "We're diving into the pool".
    Only one of them sits aside watching them. "I see you're not diving into the pool" the doctor says. The patient replies "I'm the lifeguard."

    Saddam Hussain goes to hell and the devil is waiting there and he isnt in the best of moods, he look to Mr. Hussian and says "well well well look at who we have here, i am over booked so you have the choice of 3 doors and you MUST choose one of the doors, the door you choose will be your fate for all eternity!"
    Mr. Hussain nods and they procceed to the first door and open it and here is Aldof Hitler diving into a pool and resurfacing then diving back in again, Mr hussian looks and shakes his head " i cant swim" he says
    The devil shrugs and they procceed to the next door and here is Yassa Arafat hitting a rock with a pick over and over, Mr Hussian looks and shakes his head again " i have this bad shoulder and cant do heavy work" he says
    The Devil shrugs and they proceed to the final door the devil opens it and here is Bill Clinton laying spread eagled on a torture table with Monica Lewinsky ontop of him doing what she does best, Mr Hussian's more...

    The Guardian of 8th August reports that the U.S publishers of a book
    on sky diving, called "Easy Sky Diving," have hurriedly recalled all
    copies of the book to insert an erratum slip. It reads: "Please make
    the following correction. On page 8 line 7, 'State zip code' should
    read 'Pull rip cord'."

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