Disposal Jokes / Recent Jokes

Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable because no matter how legitimate my illness, because I always sense my boss thinks I am lying.
On one occasion, I had a valid reason but lied anyway because the truth was to humiliating to reveal. I simply mentioned that I had sustained a head injury and I hoped I would feel up to coming in the next day. By then, I could think up a doozy to explain the bandage on my crown.
In this case, the truth hurt. I mean it really hurt in the place men feel the most pain. The accident occurred mainly because I conceded to my wife's wishes to adopt a cute little kitty
As the daily routine prescribes, I was taking my shower after breakfast when I heard my wife, Deb, call out to me from the kitchen. "Ed!" she harkened. "The garbage disposal is dead. Come reset it." "You know where the button is." I protested through the shower (pitter-patter).
"Reset it yourself!"
"I am scared!" She more...

Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable because no matter how legitimate my illness, I always sense my boss thinks I am lying. On one occasion, I had a valid reason but lied. Any way because the truth was too humiliating to reveal.
I simply mentioned that I had sustained a head injury and I hoped I would feel up to coming in the next day. By then, I could think up a doozy to explain the bandage on my crown.
In this case, the truth hurt. I mean it really hurt in the place men feel the most pain. The accident occurred mainly because I conceded to my wife's wishes to adopt a cute little kitty. As the daily routine prescribes, I was taking my shower after breakfast when I heard my wife, Deb, call out to me from the kitchen.
"Ed!" she hearkened. "The garbage disposal is dead. Come reset it." "You know where the button is." I protested through the shower pitter-patter. "Reset it yourself!"
"I am scared!" She pleaded. more...

Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how legitimate my illness, I always sense my boss thinks I am lying. On one occasion, I had a valid reason, but lied anyway because the truth was too humiliating. I simply mentioned that I had sustained a head injury and I hoped I would feel up to coming in the next day. By then, I could think up a doozy to explain the bandage on my crown.
The accident occurred mainly because I conceded to my wife's wishes to adopt a cute little kitty. Initially the new acquisition was no problem, but one morning I was taking my shower after breakfast when I heard my wife, Deb, call out to me from the kitchen. "Ed! the garbage disposal is dead. Come reset it." "You know where the button is." I protested through the shower. "Reset it yourself!" "I am scared!" She pleaded. "What if it starts going and sucks me in?" (Pause) "C'mon, it'll only take a second." So out I came, dripping more...

Calling in Sick... A Cat Owner's Story Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable because no matter how legitimate my illness, I always sense my boss thinks I am lying. On one occasion, I had a valid reason but lied anyway because the truth was too humiliating to reveal. I simply mentioned that I had sustained a head injury and I hoped I would feel up to coming in the next day. By then, I could think up a doozy to explain the bandage on my crown. In this case, the truth hurt. I mean it really hurt in the place men feel the most pain. The accident occurred mainly because I conceded to my wife's wishes to adopt a cute little kitty. As the daily routine prescribes, I was taking my shower after breakfast when I heard my wife call out to me from the kitchen. "Ed!" she hearkened. "The garbage disposal is dead. Come reset it." "You know where the button is." I protested through the shower (pitter-patter). "Reset it yourself!" "I am more...

A woman could never get her husband to do anything around the house. He would come home from work, sit in front of the TV, eat dinner, and sit some more -- would never do those little household repairs that most husbands take care of. This frustrated the woman quite a bit. One day the toilet stopped up. When her husband got home, she said sweetly,' Honey, the toilet is clogged. Would you look at it?' Her husband snarled,' What do I look like? The tidy-bowl man?' and sat down on the sofa. The next day, the garbage disposal wouldn't work. When her husband got home, she said, very nicely,' Honey, the disposal won't work. Would you try to fix it for me?' Once again, he growled,' What do I look like? Mr. Plumber?' The next day, the washing machine was on the blink. When her husband got home, she steeled her courage and said,' Honey, the washer isn't running. Would you check on it?' And again was met with a snarl,' What do I look like? The Maytag repairman?' Finally, she had had enough. The more...

Dear diary, there just aren't enough hours in the day get everything done in the office. For example:
9:05
Attended meeting to discuss how far we've progressed since the last meeting. A decision was not forthcoming about exactly what we should be carrying forward to the next meeting. The date of the next meeting would be verified after consultation with all parties in attendance - individually - at their convenience.
10:00
Opened mail to discover minutes of a meeting that had absolutely no connection with my work whatsoever. Forwarded the minutes to my boss after entering unsolicited internal mail in relevant statistics column on monthly sheet.
10:30
Checked e-mail and found unsavory message, promising me a money back guarantee and improved circulation. Was helped back to my chair by colleague so that I was able to hit delete button and regain my composure.
11:00
Checked e-mail to find provisional dates for next meeting. Checked my calendar to find I more...

A woman could never get her husband to do anything around the house. He would come home from work, sit in front of the tv, eat dinner, and sit some more–would never do those little household repairs that most husbands take care of. This frustrated the woman quite a bit. One day the toilet stopped up. When her husband got home, she said sweetly, “Honey, the toilet is clogged. Would you look at it? ” Her husband snarled, “What do I look like? The tidy-bowl man? ” and sat down on the sofa. The next day, the garbage disposal wouldn’t work. When her husband got home, she said, very nicely, “Honey, the disposal won’t work. Would you try to fix it for me? ” Once again, he growled, “What do I look like? Mr. Plumber? ” The next day, the washing machine was on the blink. When her husband got home, she steeled her courage and said, “Honey, the washer isn’t running. Would you check on it? ” And again was met with a snarl, “What do I look like? The Maytag repairman? more...