Dis Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    It has come to our attention that a few copies of the Brooklyn version of
    Windows 98 may have accidentally been shipped outside New York. If you
    have one of the Brooklyn editions you may need some help understanding
    the commands.

    - The Brooklyn edition may be recognized by looking at the opening screen.
    - It reads WINDAS 98 with a background picture of the East River with a
    floating body. It is shipped with a' NYPD BLUE' screensaver.
    - Also note the Recycle Bin is labeled' Garbitch'
    - My Computer is called' My Freakin Computer,'
    - Dialup Networking is called' Good Fellas',
    - Control Panel is known as the' da Tote Board,'
    - Hard Drive is referred to as' da trunk', and....
    - Floppies are them' little Freakin plastic disc tings'.

    OTHER FEATURES:

    * Instead of an error message you get a winda covered with steel bars and Grafitti.
    * OK= do it I tell ya
    * Cancel = hell no
    * Reset = dis is more...

    Big Louie the Torpedo was becoming increasingly curious about one of the newer members of his mob, Benny the Rod. Benny had been in the business for many years in another part of the country. During that time he had garnered quite a reputation for being the most conscientious and honorable hit man available. He was also considered quite eccentric, perhaps odd, in that for the last ten years or so he always kept one hand in his pocket - clutching his cold steel weapon in readiness (hence the nickname, Benny the Rod). When Benny arrived at Louie's office, the question was put to him. "So what's the story with you and this here gun of yours, eh? Like, are you scared or somethin' or you just want to always be ready or what?" "Not scared. .." Benny growled, "been doin' it dis way ever since me sister-in-law's weddin'' bout ten ten years ago now". "Oh yeah?. .. so. ..?" "Wel l, I used ta know her fiance at da time - a no good chisler. He never more...

    Two Irishmen walk into a pet shop in Dingle. They head to the bird section and Gerry says to Paddy, "Dat's dem."

    The owner comes over and asks if he can help them.

    "Yeah, we'll take four of dem dere little budgies in dat cage up dere," says Gerry,

    The owner puts the budgies in a paper bag. Paddy and Gerry pay for the birds, leave the shop and get into Gerry's Hiace to drive to the top of the Conor Pass.

    At the Conor Pass, Gerry looks down at the 1000-foot drop and says, "Dis looks like a grand place."

    He takes two birds out of the bag, puts them on his shoulders and jumps off the cliff.

    Paddy watches as Gerry falls all the way to the bottom, killing himself stone dead.

    Looking down at the remains of his best pal, Paddy shakes his head and says; "Feck dat. Dis budgie jumping is too feckin' dangerous for me."

    PART TWO:

    Moment's later Seamus arrives more...

    Ebonics Crimmus Pome

    Wuz de nite befo Crimmus An' all ower de hood ereybody wuz' sleepin' Dey wuz sleepin' good

    We hunged up our stockings An hoped like de' heck That ol Sanna Clause Be bringin' our check

    All o'de fambily Wuz layin in de beds While Ripple and Thunderbird Dance tru' dey heads

    I passed out inna' flo Right nex to my Maw When I heard sech a fuss I thunk: "It mus be de law!!!"

    I looked out thru de bars What covered my doe' spectin' de sheriff Wif a warrent fo sho

    And what did I see I said, "Lawd look at dat!!" Ther' wuz a huge watermellon Pulled by giant warf rats!!

    Now ober all de years Santa Clause, he be white But looks liken us bros Gets a black Sanna dis nite

    Faster dan a Po'lees car My home boy he came He whupped on dem warf rats An' called dem by name!

    On Leroy, on' Lonzo And on Willie Lee On Saphire, on Chenequa Dey wuz a site to more...

    There is this (choose your favorite ethnic) man. He goes to a toy shop, to buy, a gift for his daughter...
    He looks at a toy car: "How muj iz dis?"
    "$100 " answers the clerk.
    He thinks its too much.
    He looks at a ball: "How muj iz dis?"
    "$5" answers the clerk.
    He thinks its too little.
    Then, he finds the perfect thing, a doll. He again asks: "How muj iz dis?"
    "$30" answers the clerk.
    He is happy, just the right amount of money he wants to spend.
    So, He pays for the doll, and he starts to leave. Before he leaves, he remembers he wanted the doll to be gift wrapped.
    So he asks the clerk: "Can u rape it phor me?"

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