Digger Phelps' Words of Wisdom
From the NCAA Tournament:
"Basketball is a game of two halves."
"We have to remember that whoever scores the most points by the end wins."
"You're either a good team or a bad team, and they played somewhere in the middle."
"He's like all great players - not great yet."
"You don't score 86 points without being able to shoot."
Digger Phelps' Words of WisdomFrom the NCAA Tournament:"Basketball is a game of two halves.""We have to remember that whoever scores the most points by the end wins.""You're either a good team or a bad team, and they played somewhere in the middle.""He's like all great players - not great yet.""You don't score 86 points without being able to shoot."
One day, a grieving relative came to a grave yard to talk to the grave digger.
The woman said to him "I am very poor, and I don't know how I can pay for my husband to be buried!"
The grave digger replied "No problem, I have ways for you to save money while having your husband buried."
"How?" The woman asked.
"It's very simple," the grave digger replied. "To save money on the coffin, all you do is put your husband's body in a large plastic bag, instead of a coffin. To save money on space of the burial, bury your husband standing up instead of laying down. To save money on the headstone, all you need to do to identify your husband is to bury only half of his body and leave his head and half of his body above groud. This also saves money and labour of me digging a whole grave!"
One day, two men were digging a ditch in the hot sun, when one said to the other, "Why are we down in this hole digging a ditch in the hot sun, when our boss is standing up there in the shade of a tree?" "I don't know, but I'll go ask him," replied the other.
So, he climbed out of the hole and walked over to his boss. "Why are we digging in the sun and you're standing in the shade?" he asked.
"It's called 'intelligence'," the boss replied.
"What do you mean, ‘intelligence'?" asked the man.
The boss said, "I'll show you. I'll put my hand on this tree and I want you to hit it with your fist as hard as you can." The ditch digger took a swing and tried to hit his boss' hand, but the boss removed his hand and the ditch digger ended up hitting the tree instead. "That's intelligence!" said the boss.
The ditch digger went back to the hole. When his friend asked what the boss had said, he replied, more...
Two Irishmen were digging a ditch directly across from a brothel.Suddenly, they saw a rabbi walk up to the front door, glance around and duck inside. "Ah, will you look at that?" One ditch digger said."What's our world comin' to when men of th' cloth are visitin' suchplaces?"A short time later, a Protestant minister walked up to the door andquietly slipped inside. "Do you believe that?" The workman exclaimed."Why, 'tis no wonder th' young people today are so confused, what withthe example clergymen set for them."After an hour went by, the men watched as a Catholic priest quicklyentered the whore house. "Ah, what a pity," the digger said, leaningon his shovel. "One of th' poor lasses must be ill."