Diego Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    A blonde lady motorist was about two hours from San Diego when she was flagged down by a man whose truck had broken down.
    The man walked up to the car and asked, "Are you going to San Diego?"
    "Sure," answered the blonde, "do you need a lift?"
    "Not for me. I'll be spending the next three hours fixing my truck. My problem is I've got two chimpanzees in the back which have to be taken to the San Diego Zoo.
    They're a bit stressed already so I don't want to keep them on the road all day. Could you possibly take them to the zoo for me? I'll give you $100 for your trouble."
    "I'd be happy to," said the blonde.
    So the two chimpanzees were ushered into the back seat of the blonde's car and carefully strapped into their seat belts. Off they went.
    Five hours later, the truck driver was driving through the heart of San Diego when suddenly, to his horror, there was the blonde walking down the street and holding hands with more...

    From a San Diego Father who has identified 35 truths he learned from his children:
    There is no such thing as childproofing your house.
    If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
    A 4-year-old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
    If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42-pound boy wearing pound puppy underwear and a Superman cape.
    It is strong enough, however, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20' room.
    Baseballs make marks on ceilings.
    When using the ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up several times before you get a hit.
    You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on.
    A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long ways.
    The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
    When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh-oh", it is already too more...

    One hot summer I worked for the "L'il Stinker" company, a guy down the
    street from us that pumped septic tanks. It actually wasn't a bad
    job. Most of my day was spent driving all over backwoods San Diego
    County in a big white pickup truck (San Diego County still had
    backwoods then). My job was to get to the customer in advance of the
    tank truck, find the septic tank, and dig down to the lid so everything
    would be ready when "Sweeney" got there with the tank truck. The tank
    truck was great-huge black monster with two white stripes running
    down the back, a picture of a skunk, and his phone number. If you saw
    it once, you remembered it instantly whenever your toilets backed up.
    Over the course of the summer "Sweeney" told me a number of interesting
    and possibly true stories. This has always been one of my favorites.
    Sweeney got called out to this house in Rancho Santa Fe, a very ritzy
    suburb. Typical more...

    SAN DIEGO (AP) - For four decades, a Carlsbad man used fake resumes, degrees and identities to secure a wife, money and several jobs, including one as a fire chief and an accident investigator.
    But Robert Fay Garcia's secrets are finally out. He was sentenced Thursday in San Diego federal court to 18 months in prison and ordered to pay $56,900 in restitution for collecting Social Security benefits using three identities.
    He obtained one alias by claiming he was homeless, even though he lived in a mobile home, officials said.
    Throughout his life, 70-year-old Garcia has used at least 38 names, posed as a retired Marine colonel and a former prisoner of war in Korea, said Jim Rogers, a special agent with the Office of Inspector General for the Social Security Administration.
    "And those are the identities we know about," Rogers said. "He was never really who he said he was."
    Garcia's first conviction involving an alias was in 1958 for forgery. In the more...

    Knock Knock
    Who's there!
    Diego who?
    Diego before the B!

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