A fashion designer said Keifer Sutherland head butted him in a bar Tuesday. The fashion designer said he would have much preferred a pile driver. Next on Keifer's hit list include a manicurist, florist, and hairdresser.
Subject: Going Toastal -- a tale for the dilbert age
Day 1: My boss, an engineer from the pre-CAD days, has successfully brought a generation of products from Acme Toaster Corp's engineering labs to market. Bob is a wonder of mechanical ingenuity. All of us in the design department have the utmost respect for him, so I was honored when he appointed me the lead designer on the new Acme 2000 Toaster.
Day 6: We met with the president, head of sales, and the marketing vice president today to hammer out the project's requirements and specifications. Here at Acme, our market share is eroding to low-cost imports. We agreed to meet a cost of goods of $9.50 (100,000). I've identified the critical issue in the new design: a replacement for the timing spring we've used since the original 1922 model. Research with the focus groups shows that consumers set high expectations for their breakfast foods. Cafe latte from Starbuck's goes best with a precise level of toastal more...
Wear clothes of two colors: your choice of black or white.
Own an alphanumeric pager with a built in answering machine.
Own a cellular phone.
Have only Asian friends.
Speak only in Asian languages.
Dress as though you're headed for a party when you're actually going to
If you're a girl, BE SURE TO STUFF YOUR BRA.
If you're a guy, BE SURE TO SOUP UP YOUR ACURA INTEGRA.
Smoke even if you don't know how to, especially if you're with friends.
Travel only in droves of 10 and above to parties.
Go to all the cool Asian "intercollegiate parties"!
Refuse to dance to anything but techno music.
Whenever in droves of 10 or more Asians, stare menacingly at all other
Dance in circles at all parties and clubs.
If you're a guy, BE SURE TO COP CHEAP FEELS OFF GIRLS YOU LIKE!
If you're a girl, BE SURE TO more...
Bernie decided he wanted to be an aeronautical engineer and build airplanes. He studied hard, went to the best schools, and finally got his degree. It didn`t take long before he gained a reputation as the finest aeronautical engineer in all the land, so he decided to start his own company to build jets.
His company was such a hit that the President of Israel called Bernie into his office. "I want to commission your company to build an advanced Israeli jet fighter.
Needless to say, Bernie was tremendously excited at this prospect. The entire resources of his company went into building the most advanced jet fighter in history. Everything looked terrific on paper, but when they held the first test flight of the new jet, disaster struck. The wings couldn`t take the strain--they broke clean off of the fuselage! (The test pilot parachuted to safety, thank God.)
Bernie was devastated; his company redesigned the jet fighter, but the same thing happened at more...
Now look at them Yo-Yo's, that's the way you do it
You make a web page on the W-3
That ain't workin' that's the way ya do it
Money for nothin' and pix for free
Now that ain't workin' that's the way ya do it
Lemme tell ya them guys ain't dumb
Maybe get a blister on your little finger
Maybe get a blister on your thumb
We gotta install satellite dishes
Home Theatre Deliveries
We gotta move these cable converters
We gotta move these color TV's
See the web designer with the fancy computer
Yea, bud, he's got a ponytail
That web designer's got his own BMW
That web designer don't get dirt under his nails
I shoulda learned to work a computer
I should learned Photoshop
Look at that grrrl, she's a web page maker
Man, where's it gonna stop?
And here's one... what's that? MIDI music?
Blasting out the speakers like a wild banshee
Man, that ain't workin' that's the way ya do it
Get your more...