A Denver Broncos fan was enjoying himself at the game in a packed Mile High Stadium, until he noticed an empty seat down in front. He went down and asked the guy next to it if he knew whose seat it was.The guy said, "Yes, that`s my wife`s seat. We have never missed a game since the Craig Morton days, but now my wife is dead."The fan offered his sympathy and said it was really too bad that he couldn`t find some relative to give the ticket to and enjoy the game together."Oh no." the guy said. "They`re all at the funeral."
NFL Team Lame Names
When a football team is having trouble getting into the win column, fans usually assign a more appropriate name to describe that team's performance. Here is a collection of some of these lame names for the NFL.
Denver Broncos - Denver Donkeys
Kansas City Chiefs - Kansas City Griefs
Los Angeles Raiders - Los Angeles Faders
San Diego Chargers - San Diego Rechargers
Seattle Seahawks - Seattle Weehawks
Cincinnati Bengals - Cincinnati Plaingels
Cleveland Browns - Cleveland Clowns
Houston Oilers - Houston Spoilers
Pittsburgh Steelers - Pittsburgh Reelers
Buffalo Bills - Buffalo Nils
Indianapolis Colts - Indianapolis Dolts
Miami Dolphins - Miami Stallfins
Miami Soft Ones
New England Patriots - New England more...
A receptionist answered the phone in a busy office, "Good afternoon, Denver Parachute Club. How may I help you?"
"Pardon me, but isn't this the Denver Prostitute Club?" asked a startled man on the other end.
"No, sir," the embarrassed receptionist replied. "This is the Denver Parachute Club."
"Oh, dear," the man said. "I'm afraid I've made a big mistake. Your salesman called a week ago and signed me up for two jumps a week."
An award should go to the United Airlines gate agent in Denver, Colorado, for being smart and funny and making her point when confronted with an angry passenger. During the final days at Denver's old Stapleton airport, a crowded United flight was canceled. A single agent was rebooking a long line of inconvenienced travelers.
Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket down on the counter and said, "I HAVE to be on this flight and it has to be FIRST CLASS."
The agent replied, "I'm sorry sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to help these folks first, and I'm sure we'll be able to work something out."
The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, "Do you have any idea who I am?"
Without hesitating, the gate agent smiled and grabbed her public address microphone. "May I have your attention please?" she began, her voice bellowing more...
• Car dealers may not show cars on a Sunday.
• Colorado law requires that wine be sold in containers of at least 24 ounces and spirits in containers at least a fifth of a gallon. But, at the same time, it also decrees that no alcohol beverage can be stored in hotel minibars in anything larger than miniature containers.
• Colorado Springs: It is permissible to wear a holstered six-gun within city limits, except on Sunday, Election Day, or holidays.
• Crippe Creek: It is illegal to bring your horse or pack mule above the ground floor of any building.
• Denver: The dog catcher must notify dogs of impounding by posting, for three consecutive days, a notice on a tree in the city park and along a public road running through said park; It is unlawful to lend your vacuum cleaner to your next-door neighbor; It is illegal to mistreat rats; You may not drive a black car on Sundays.
• Durango: It is illegal to go in public dressed in clothes more...