Demons Jokes

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    Writer's hell !

    Hot 5 years ago

    A writer died and St. Peter offered him the option of going to hell or to heaven. To help decide, he asked for a tour of each destination. St. Peter agreed and decided to take him to hell first. As he descended into the fiery pits, the writer saw row upon row of writers, chained to their desks in a steaming sweatshop. As they worked, they were repeatedly whipped with thorny lashes by demons. "Oh, my," the writer said, "let me see heaven."
    A few moments later, as they ascended into heaven, the writer saw row upon row of writers, chained to their desks in a steaming sweatshop. As they worked, they, too, were whipped with thorny lashes by demons.
    "Hey," the writer said, "this is just as bad as hell."
    "Oh, no it's not," St Peter replied, "here your work gets published!"

    Q: What do little ghosts drink?
    A: Evaporated milk.
    Q: Why do cemeteries have fences around them?
    A: Because people are dying to get in.
    Q: When do ghosts usually appear?
    A: Just before someone screams.
    Q: What should you say when you meet a ghost?
    A: ''How do you boo, sir? How do you boo?''
    Q: What's a ghost's favorite breakfast?
    A: Ghost toasties with booberries.
    Q: What's soft, moldy and flies?
    A: A spoiled bat.
    Q: What did the policeman say when a black widow spider ran down his back?
    A: ''You're under a vest!''
    Q: What happened to the monster that took the five o'clock train home?
    A: He had to give it back.
    Q: Why did the monster salute his vegetable soup?
    A: He looked in his bowl and saw a kernel of corn.
    Q: What would you call the ghost of a door-to-door salesman?
    A: A dead ringer.
    Q: What did Dracula say then he saw a giraffe for the first time?
    A: I'd like to get to gnaw you.
    Q: Which more...

    A writer died and St. Peter offered him the option of going to hell or to heaven. To help decide, he asked for a tour of each destination. St. Peter agreed and decided to take him to hell first. As he descended into the fiery pits, the writer saw row upon row of writers, chained to their desks in a steaming sweatshop. As they worked, they were repeatedly whipped with thorny lashes by demons. "Oh, my," the writer said, "let me see heaven."
    A few moments later, as they ascended into heaven, the writer saw row upon row of writers, chained to their desks in a steaming sweatshop. As they worked, they, too, were whipped with thorny lashes by demons. "Hey," the writer said, "this is just as bad as hell."
    "Oh, no it's not," St Peter replied, "here your work gets published!"

    Avoid all esoteric jewellery over ten pounds in weight - it attracts unwelcome attention from muggers, policemen, various supernatural creatures and can be and are downright dangerous during thunderstorms.
    Avoid using coloured candles in rituals. I cannot stress this enough. Pastel-coloured candles in the shape of cute animals are like beacons to the weirdest demons.
    Never make flippant remarks to a demon ("Hey, Belial, you look like hell, ha ha."). It may retort with its own brand of humour, like tearing your limbs apart.
    Always keep your kit with you: candles, chalk, incense, silver knife, service revolver, garlic, taxi fare, condoms, and change.
    When the Black Mass goes awry, stay away from the High Priest. Enraged demons always go for the pompous.
    If a demon promises you untold riches in exchange for your body, ask for an advance - freeloading sex fiends abound.
    If the entity you summoned offers you its soul in return for money, chances are that more...

    Because demons are a ghouls best friend.

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