Democratic Jokes / Recent Jokes

Q: How many Democratic presidential candidates from 1988 did it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: (Gary Hart) This oblique reference to screwing is an obvious attempt to drag my personal life into this campaign. Frankly, I resent it, and the American people resent it.

Q: How many Democratic presidential candidates from 1988 did it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: (Al Gore) As usual, the other left-wing wacko candidates are putting forth solutions that moderate Southerners won't cotton to on Super Tuesday. At least I hope not.

Q: How many Democratic presidential candidates from 1988 did it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: (Paul Simon) My media experts tell me I'm foolish for wearing my hair the same way I did in the 50's. But that's what Paul Simon's all about. And I suppose my media experts are gonna say I'm foolish for this, but in all candor, I change my light bulbs the same way I did in the 50's: my wife gets on a ladder and I turn more...

Q: How many C++ programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: At least a dozen, but it's impossible to tell which one it is, because they're all pointing at each other going "That's me, over there! "

Q: How many Bill Gates' (runs Microsoft) does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. He simply declares darkness to be the new standard.

Q: How many members of the U. S. S. Enterprise does it take to change a light bulb?
A: All of them. Bones to say "Its dead Jim", Uhura to send a distress signal, Sulu to listen to Chekov saying "Light bulbs vere really an old russian invention", Spock to be fascinated by the illogic inherent in the early demise of the light bulb, Scotty to do the work, and Kirk to get the girl.

Q: How many Democratic presidential candidates from 1988 did it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: (Bruce Babbitt) It's foolish to talk about screwing in light bulbs when we haven't even taken more...

Joe Leiberman, loser of the Connecticut Democratic Primary and perpetual bore, has come out insisting that he is a loyal Democrat. Even though he is running against a Democrat, he still insist that he is loyal to the party he opposes in the election. Leiberman also insists that he is not Bush's lapdog, that job belongs to Tony Blair. The Senator told a rally in Hartford, that he opposes the Bush administration and would endorse the Democratic Party platform.
In other news, Senator Leiberman's pants were found to be on fire and hanging from a telephone wire.

An anonymous source in the Democratic Party has revealed that the sweeping landslide victory of the Republicans in November may have been due to an obscure bug in the Intel Pentium computer chip.
Upgrading the nationwide vote counting system to the latest technology was one of Vice-President Al Gore's "Reinventing Government" initiatives. This change was meant to reduce costs and streamline operations, however, the computer glitch may have cost the Whitehouse dearly.
A spokesman for the Democratic Party denied the rumor that several thousand Power-PC's had been purchased as part of a vote recount effort.
When questioned about the news Senator Bob Dole (r) commented that he believed the Intel Pentium chip was far better than anyone had thought. A short statement released by Newt Gingrich's office indicated that "the Democratic party has always sought to divide America and that this discovery of an FDIV bug in the Intel Chip was clear evidence of the moral more...

John Kerry went duck hunting and he's doing that to fulfill his campaign pledge to hunt down the ducks and kill them wherever they are! Kerry did pretty well; he came back with four ducks and three Purple Hearts." -David Letterman
"John Kerry went hunting today. He said he killed a goose. He didn't bring Teresa along because he was a little rusty and he was afraid he might kill the goose that laid the golden egg." -Jay Leno
"Last week, Senator Kerry was eight points behind President Bush, today he is three points ahead. Is this the kind of indecision we want in a president?" -Announcer in a mock Bush-Cheney ad, "Late Show With David Letterman"
"Kerry scored many points with voters and pundits by finally putting to rest criticism that he's a flip-flopper. Kerry said, 'I have one position on Iraq: I'm forgainst it." -Amy Pohler, Saturday Night Live's "Weekend Update"
"John Kerry says the 'W' in George W. Bush more...

Chandrika: I considered you as a freedom fighter, the moment I read,
“HARD HARD ONE IS THE BIG BIG GOOD ONE(to be
circulated)” Written by you to the infolanka joke page.

Chandrika: Please show me how to bring a political change in Sri Lanka.
ULTRA MICROS: Your Excellency, its this New Constitution.
Chandrika: Will People Support Me.
ULTRA MICROS: Its Foolishness if they don’t do so.
ULTRA MICROS: Your Excellency, good luck to you.

ULTRA MICRO CONSTITUTION OF THE DEMOCRATIC SOCIALIST REPUBLIC OF SRI LANKA.
Section 1
Democratic Socialist Republic of Sri Lanka is an unitary
State Which Is Comprised of 24 Key Administrative District
Councils and There Sub Councils.
Section 2
All Laws relating to Citizenship, Matrimony, Inheritance and
Succession shall be governed by The General Law.
Section 3
English, Sinhala and Tamil shall be Official Languages.
Section 4
There shall be The more...

Late night Comedians and Talk Show hosts are having a Field Day this political season.! These are some of the better ones. Hope you enjoy.



"In his speech last night, John Kerry said this was the beginning of the end of the Bush administration. I agree. It may take another five years, but this is it."



"John Kerry will be the Democratic nominee for president. Democrats finally found someone who is Al Gore without the flash and the sizzle."
"Kerry has already begun his search for a running mate. They say that because John Edwards still has $50 million in campaign money, Kerry might pick him. Pick him? Hey, for $50 million, Kerry will marry him"Senator John Kerry changed his mind and now supports the ban on gay marriages. I'm telling you this guy has more positions than Paris Hilton."
"According to a new study, Botox injections can help back pain. So you see, that's why John Kerry had all that more...