Delhi Jokes / Recent Jokes

Three things come to mind from St. Stephens College, New Delhi in indai.

1. Step-Hens college!

2. One of the things fatchhas in Hindu College were made to say during ragging:
"Stephens girao, Mandir Banao."

3. Wilson Public School....?????: ) (BTW. Stephen`s princi was Anil Wilson).

India has compiled a list of do's and don'ts for its citizens at this year's Commonwealth Games to help showcase New Delhi's charms. "We want tourists to go back with the impression that Delhi is a sophisticated city."
"We want to tell them don't urinate in public, don't spit, keep your houses and shops clean, keep public transport safe and such things," Delhi tourism chief Rina Ray told the Hindustan Times Friday.
Ah, reminds me of that fall I spent in New Delhi. The lights, the sounds, the freedom of not having to ask where the restrooms are.

There was a time when I used to carefully scan matrimonial advertisements, not to look for a wife but just to find out what others were looking for in their life-partners. I gave up wasting my time on them many years ago. When I casually glance at them I am surprised to find they are dividing the categories by caste, profession and nationality. The latest categorisation has been brought to my attention by T. R. Rishi; apparently living in South Delhi has acquired status of acceptability. Three ads from The Hindustan Times state clearly "residing in South Delhi. Preference for South Delhiites." One adds a clarification "affluent South Delhi family".

A MAN in Delhi made a trunk call to his old friend in Amritsar.' Banta yarr,' he said,' I am in great difficulty. Can you send me Rs 500? I will return them within a month.'
'Hello! Hello!' replied Banta, 1 can't hear you. The line is very faint.'
The friend repeated more loudly,' Send me Rs 50p. I'll return them soon.'
'I can't hear a word,' replied Banta,' you ring me another time.'
The operator who was listening, interrupted,' The line is absolutely clear. Your friend in Delhi wants you to send him Rs 500.'
Banta snapped back at the operator,' If you can hear him clearly, why don't you lend him Rs 500?'

On an intermediary station on the Bombay route, two mail trains for Bombay and Delhi pulled up. The station being a meal-halt, the trains stopped for a long while; a Sardar, heading to Bombay, got into the wrong train, going to Delhi. In it he confronted another Sardar.
After the initial Sat Sri Akaals, one asks the other the destination and each gives the same. The person on the wrong route, then exclaims "Oh, what progress India has made! Same train, same compartment, same cubicle, one berth goes to Delhi and the other to Bombay!"

There was a Sardarji who was running a business at Delhi with branch offices at Ambala and Amritsar. One day he decided to visit his branch offices, and boarded a night train. He kept himself awake till 2 a. m., and when the train reached Ambala at 2. 20 a. m., he was fast asleep and woke up only when the train reached Amristar. He was unhappy, but decided to visit Ambala on his way back to Delhi. Again he boarded a night train, and kept himself awake till 3 a. m., but when the train reached Ambala at 3. 30 a. m., he was fast asleep, and woke up only when the train was steaming into Delhi. This happened three to four times. He was either landing up at Delhi or at Amritsar, always missing Ambala by sleeping off. So naturally he got worried.
He narrated his problem to a close friend who said, "You are a rich man, so why don't you travel by 1st class. The coach attendant will wake you up, a little before Ambala, and you can travel in comfort." The advice was logical, and more...

Good morning, Ladies and Gentlemen.
This is your captain Banta Singh welcoming you to
Punjab Airways. We apologize for the four day delay in taking off,
owing to bad weather and some overtime I had put in at the bakery.

This is flight one two six flight to New Delhi. Landing in Delhi is not guaranteed, but we will end up somewhere in the East. And if luck is in our favor, we may even be landing on your village!

Punjab Airways has an excellent record for safety. In fact our safety standards are so high that even the terrorists are afraid to fly with us! It is with pleasure I announce that starting this year over 50% of our passengers have reached their destination.
(I presume that the other 50% were the terrorists themselves!!!)
For the ones that don't quiet make it, Punjab Airways staff have all the requisite experience for consoling the next-of-kin. Our
Stewardesses Bubbly and Goldie will be happy to brief you on more...