Deficit Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Recently, I was diagnosed with A. A. A. D. D. - Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder. This is how it manifests:
    I decide to water my garden. As I turn on the hose in the driveway, I look over at my car and decide my car needs washing.
    As I start toward the garage, I notice that there is mail on the porch table that I brought up from the mail box earlier.
    I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car.
    I lay my car keys down on the table, put the junk mail in the garbage can under the table, and notice that the can is full, so I decide to put the bills back on the table and take out the garbage first.
    But then I think, since I'm going to be near the mailbox when I take out the garbage anyway, I may as well pay the bills first.
    I take my check book off the table, and see that there is only 1 check left.
    My extra checks are in my desk in the study, so I go inside the house to my desk where I find the can of Coke that I had been drinking.
    I'm more...

    When I was a kid my Mom took me took the shrink who told me I had attention deficit disorder...which, of course, I interpreted as, "I wasn't getting enough attention!"

    President Obama inspired by the success of the annual Girl Scout cookie sales, announced the government will sell cookies to erase our deficit. Each box will cost $697 Million dollars... which is a 20% savings off the price of actual girlscout cookies.

    Candidate Bill Clinton: Cut taxes for middle class
    President Bill Clinton: Wants to raise them

    Candidate Bill Clinton: Vowed not to tamper with Social Security
    President Bill Clinton: Wants to tax more SS benefits

    Candidate Bill Clinton: Proposed energy tax cuts
    President Bill Clinton: Wants energy tax increases

    Candidate Bill Clinton: Claimed he had the ability to raise $45 billion by making foreign corporations pay their fair share of U. S. taxes
    President Bill Clinton: Modified and lowered his figure to only $11 billion

    Candidate Bill Clinton: Proposed Medicare payment cut of only $4. 4 billion and ran ads attacking Bush for recommending more cuts
    President Bill Clinton: Wants at least $34 billion in Medicare cuts

    Candidate Bill Clinton: Promised a guarenteed college education for anyone wanting one
    President Bill Clinton: Proposing to spend $98 million--it will only cover 4, 800 students in the more...

    The Japanese people are said to have a great interest in Western things, especially those from the United States. This can be used to our strategic advantage to help solve our trade deficit with Japan.

    We need to export TV shows like ``Perry Mason'' and ``LA Law'' and ensure that they are widely broadcasted. Once their children grow up wanting to become lawyers they are finished!

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