An inmate on death row was scheduled to be put to death by firing squad the following morning. One of the prison guards asked the inmate if he wanted something special for his last meal. The inmate declined the offer. Later, the prison guard asked the inmate if there was something special he wanted to do on his final day. Again, the inmate declined the offer. The following morning, as he inmate was being put before the firing squad, the guard asked him if he wanted a cigarette and a blindfold. "No," the inmate said, "just get it over with."
"Well, is there anything that I can do for you before you go?" asked the guard. The inmate thought for a moment, then replied, "Actually, music is my life. One thing I would really like would be to sing my favorite song, from beginning to end, without any interruptions." The guard nodded and agreed. "Go ahead," said the guard. The inmate started, "One billion bottles of beer on the more...
A man stayed in his house as a flood engulfed his town. Two men in a
rowboat came to his house and offered to take him to safety. "No thank you",
the man said, "G-d will help me". As the waters rose, the man retreated to
the second story of his house. Now, two men in a motorboat came by and offered
to rescue him. Again, the man declined, saying, "No thank you, G-d will
help me." As the waters rose still higher, the man retreated again to the
rooftop of his house. A helicopter came by, and someone inside it threw down
a rope, urging the man to grab it and be pulled up into the helicopter. Once
more, the man declined and said, "No thank you, G-d will help me." Whereupon
a mighty voice called out to the man, "You idiot! I sent you a rowboat,
a motorboat, and now a helicopter. What more do you want me to do?".
A lawyer and a blonde woman were sitting next to each other on a long flight. The lawyer leaned over to her and asked if sjie would like to play a fun game. The blonde declined and turned towards the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persisted, saying that the game was really easy and a lot of fun. He explained,' I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me, and vice-versa.'
Again, the blonde politely declined and tried to get some sleep. The lawyer made another offer:' Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5, but if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $50.'
The blonde agreed. The lawyer asked the first question.' What's the distance from the earth to the moon?'
The blonde silently reached into her purse, pulled out a five-dollar bill, and handed it to the lawyer. Then she asked the lawyer,' What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?'
The lawyer took out his laptop computer and searched all his more...
During a Papal audience, a business man approached the Pope and made this offer: Change the last line of the Lord's prayer from "give us this day our daily bread" to "give us this day our daily chicken." and KFC will donate 10 million dollars to Catholic charities. The Pope declined.
Two weeks later the man approached the Pope again. This time with a 50 million dollar offer. Again the Pope declined.
A month later the man offers 100 million; this time the Pope accepts. At a meeting of the Cardinals, The Pope announces his decision "The good news is... that we have 100 million dollars for charities. The bad news is that we lost the Wonder Bread account!"
A guy went to a bar and ordered a drink. He looked around the place and noticed a guy at a corner table with long hair and a beard, dressed in a robe and sandals.
When the bartender brought the drink he asked, “Who does that guy think he is, Jesus Christ? ”
The bartender said, “As a matter of fact that is Jesus Christ. He comes in here some afternoons, drinks a glass of wine and leaves. ”
The guy says, “Well I’d like to buy him a drink. ”
The bar tender said, “Like I said, He just drinks one, but I’ll tell him you offered. ”
The bartender went over and told Jesus of the offer but He declined.
About that time another stranger walked in and sat next to the first guy. He saw Jesus and said something to the first guy about it. The first guy told him the story and how he’d offered a drink but He only drinks one.
About that time Jesus was ready to leave. He walked up to the first guy, extended His hand and said, “Hi, I’m Jesus and more...