Dash Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    'Twas the night before Christmas and all round my hips
    were Fannie May candies that sneaked past my lips.
    Fudge brownies were stored in the freezer with care
    in hopes that my thighs would forget they were there.
    While Mama in her girdle and I in chin straps
    had just settled down to sugar-borne naps.
    When out in the pantry there arose such a clatter
    I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter.
    Away to the kitchen I flew like a flash
    tore open the icebox then threw up the sash.
    The marshmallow look of the new-fallen snow
    sent thoughts of a binge to my body below.
    When what to my wandering eyes should appear:
    a marzipan Santa with eight chocolate reindeer!
    That huge chunk of candy so luscious and slick
    I knew in a second that I'd wind up sick.
    The sweet-coated Santa, those sugared reindeer
    I closed my eyes tightly but still I could hear;
    On Pritzker, on Stillman, on weak one, on TOPS
    a Weight Watcher dropout more...

    The wasp

    Hot 1 week ago

    A husband and wife are on a nudist beach when suddenly a wasp buzzes into the wife's business end. Naturally enough, she panics. The husband is also quite shaken but manages to put a coat on her, pull up his shorts and carries her to the car.
    Then he makes a mad dash to the doctor. The doctor, after examining her, says that the wasp is too far in to remove with forceps. So he says to the husband that he will have to try and entice it out by putting honey on his willy and withdraw as soon as he feels the wasp.
    The honey is smeared, but because of his wife's screaming and his frantic dash to the doctor, and the general panic, he just can't rise to the occasion.
    So the doctor says he'll perform the deed if the husband and wife don't object. Naturally both agree for fear the wasp will do any damage.
    The doctor quickly undresses, smears the honey on and instantly gets an erection, at which time he begins to plug the wife. Only he doesn't stop and withdraw but continues with more...

    'TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE IMPEACHMENT
    December 17, 1998
    'Twas The Night Before Impeachment, when all through the House,
    All the Congress was stirring, even Conyers, the louse.
    The Articles were hung by the Capitol with care,
    In hopes that Saint Bubba would be trapped in the lair.
    The Republicans were nestled, all smug with The Feds,
    While visions of perjury danced in their heads.
    And Barr with his rhetoric and Hyde with his trap,
    Had just settled in for a long evening's nap.
    When out in The Gulf, there arose such a clatter
    They clicked on CNN to see what was the matter.
    When what to their wondering eyes should appear
    But Tomahawk cruise missiles flying like reindeer.
    With a Presidential address, so lively and quick,
    They knew in a moment, it must be Saint Slick!
    More rapid than eagles, his supporters they came,
    And he whistled and shouted and called them by name:
    "Now Conyers, now Gephardt, let's forget about more...

    The setting is a quiet and serene country stream weaving through the gentle hills of a grassy plain. All is quiet and still, and, lo, a small fly hovers a few inches above the quiet waters of the stream.
    Beneath the water floats a small fish. The fish thinks to itself, if that fly just drops two inches, I will be able to jump out of the water and catch it.
    Now, standing on the bank of the stream lurks a bear. The bear looks at the scene and thinks to itself, if that fly drops just two inches, then the fish will jump out of the water to catch it, and I will be able to dash into the stream and snap up the fish in my mouth.
    Crouching nearby the stream, in the tall grass, waits a hunter. The hunter looks at the scene and thinks to himself, if that fly drops just two inches, then the fish will spring out of the water to catch it, then bear will dash out into the river, and I'll get a clear shot at the bear.
    Sitting at the entrance to its hole, is a small field mouse. more...

    'Twas the night before Christmas and all round my hips were Fannie May candies that sneaked past my lips. Fudge brownies were stored in the freezer with care in hopes that my thighs would forget they were there.
    While Mama in her girdle and I in chin straps had just settled down to sugar-borne naps. When out in the pantry there arose such a clatter I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter.
    Away to the kitchen I flew like a flash tore open the icebox then threw up the sash. The marshmallow look of the new-fallen snow sent thoughts of a binge to my body below.
    When what to my wandering eyes should appear: a marzipan Santa with eight chocolate reindeer! That huge chunk of candy so luscious and slick I knew in a second that I'd wind up sick.
    The sweet-coated Santa, those sugared reindeer I closed my eyes tightly but still I could hear; On Pritzker, on Stillman, on weak one, on TOPS a Weight Watcher dropout from sugar detox.
    From the top of the scales to the top more...

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