Crystal Meth Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    I visited my brother way out in the Ozarks. I was sitting on his porch at the end of the day looking out west and the sky was red and gold and purple and it was SO amazingly beautiful.

    You don't see a sky like that in the big city.

    The neighbor's meth lab exploded.

    Rev. Ted Haggard was accused by a male hustler of paying for sex once a month for three years, and doing crystal meth, while simultaneously preaching against gay sex.
    If I did all that, I'd be haggard, too.

    By now, we've all heard that Full House star Jodie Sweetin is a recovering meth addict and an intervention was staged by her former Full House costars, Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen, John Stamos and Bob Saget.
    Apparently just Dave Coolier telling her to “cut it out” wasn’t enough.
    All I know is, if Bob Saget, John Stamos and the Olsen Twins all got together to ask me to stop doing something, I would stop it. I don’t care what it is.

    Ted Haggard has emerged from rehab "completely heterosexual." Obviously, he's still doing meth.

    So yeah, I get laid. If the notion that someone with my physique has been allowed to have sex upsets you, let me balance the scales by saying many of the women I've had are not photogenic. My sex life reads like my employment history-I took what I could get at the time because it was there.
    I base my taste in women as if I'm the rock band Rush--I don't bother appealing to an unreceptive audience, I stick with my hardcore fans, which is the over 40 demographic.
    I also tend to seek out damaged women for my conquests "Hmmm...a few extra pounds? More than 1 cat? Looks like a sure thing!!"
    And if I should snag a girl with a decent body, I make sure she either has a meth habit or I have to pay.
    I had one damage case awhile ago. A few days after, she tells me she doesn't want to speak to me anymore because I supposedly creeped her out when I came over. How do I creep out a woman whose idea of breaking the ice with me was showing me pics of her ex stuffing a more...

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