Crime Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Grandma

    Hot 1 year agoby justincider


    Harry is visiting his grandma. She complains about the high cost of living. "When I was a girl, you could go out with a shilling and come back home with a dozen eggs, two pints of milk, a pound of bacon, half a pound of tea and a fresh chicken."
    "Yes," says Harry, "that's inflation for you."
    "It's nothing to do with inflation," says grandma, "it's all them fucking CCTV cameras they have nowadays."

    Knife

    Hot 1 year agoby justincider

    My mate Dave is serving a life sentence for something he didn't do.
    He didn't wipe his fingerprints off the knife.

    Crime and Punishment

    Hot 1 year agoby Tats

    A man, shocked by how his buddy is dressed, asks him, "How long have you been wearing that bra?" The friend replies, "Ever since my wife found it in the glove compartment."

    Dyslexic bank robbery

    Hot 1 year agoby
    PLOP

    Two dyslexic bank robbers run into a bank shouting: "air in the hands mother stickers, this is a f*** up!"

    MEGA MORON AWARDS Tennessee: A man successfully broke into a bank after hours and stole the bank's video camera, while the camera was remotely recording. (That is, the videotape recorder was located elsewhere in the bank, so he didn't get the videotape of himself stealing the camera). Louisiana: A man walked into a Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer? Fifteen dollars. [If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, was a crime committed?] Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block more...

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