Crews Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    ' 'Squawks'' are problems noted by U.S. Air Force pilots and left for maintenance crews to fix before the next flight. Here are some actual maintenance complaints logged by those Air Force pilots and the replies from the maintenance crews. (P) = Problem, (S) = Solution

    ----------------------------------------------------------

    (P) Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
    (S) Almost replaced left inside main tire.

    (P) Test flight OK, except auto land very rough.
    (S) Auto land not installed on this aircraft.

    (P) # 2 propeller seeping prop fluid.
    (S) # 2 propeller seepage normal - # 1, # 3, and # 4 propellers lack normal seepage.

    (P) Something loose in cockpit.
    (S) Something tightened in cockpit.

    (P) Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
    (S) Evidence removed.

    (P) DME volume unbelievably loud.
    (S) Volume set to more believable level.

    (P) Dead bugs on more...

    This story was related to me yesterday at lunch by a fellow manager, who
    heard it from his dad (guaranteed true...) Phenomenal testimony that
    physics shall not be denied, with some small humor value as well.
    This story involves railroad cars, Denver and a fascinating gadget used in
    auto wrecking yards called a "chipper." Apparently this device is fed
    old auto carcasses, and it in turn produces manageable-sized "chips" of
    metal.
    Seems that on this eventful evening, four gondola cars were filled by a
    chipper and headed out of Denver around dusk. Somewhere along the track,
    on an uphill grade, something mechanical failed on one of the cars, and
    the train pulled to a siding to uncouple it. The dutiful crew chocked
    the wheels with rocks, wood chunks, etc. and then proceeded to unhook the
    car.
    Seems no one had the slightest idea of the mass being packed in that unit,
    as the rocks/wood held it in place for about 6 more...

    A fire starts inside a chemical plant and the alarm goes out to fire departments miles around. After crews have been fighting the fire for over an hour, the chemical company president approached the fire chief and said, "All of our secret formulas are in the vault in the center of the plant. They must be saved! I will give $100,000 to the engine company that brings them out safely!" The crews try, but no one can get through. Then another fire truck, filled with a volunteer fire company of men over 65, comes roaring down the road and drives straight into the middle of the inferno. The other men watch unbelieving as the old timers hop off of their rig and heroically extinguish the fire, saving the secret formulas. The company president walks over to reward the volunteers.

    "What do you guys plan to do with the money?" the president asks the group.

    The firetruck driver looks him right in the eye and answers, "The first thing more...

    … Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by US Air Force pilots and the replies from the maintenance crews. “Squawks” are problem listings that pilots generally leave for maintenance crews.
    Problem: ”DME volume unbelievably loud. ”
    Solution: ”Volume set to more believable level. ”
    Problem: ”Dead bugs on windshield. ”
    Solution: ”Live bugs on order. ”
    Problem: “Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200fpm descent. ”
    Solution: ”Cannot reproduce problem on ground. ”
    Problem: ”IFF inoperative. ”
    Solution: ”IFF inoperative in OFF mode. ”
    Problem: ”Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. ”
    Solution: ”That’s what they’re there for. ”
    Problem: ”Number three engine missing. ”
    Solution: ”Engine found on right wing after brief search. ”

    A wildlife biologist crew leader has several crews, each consisting of two biologists. The crews camped and worked in the woods and he made his rounds to visit each pair every few days. One particular crew, Sarah and Jim, were not getting nearly as much work accomplished as the others, so he suspected that they might be up to some funny business. The following day, he paid them a visit. "Is anything funny going on here"? he asked. "What do you mean by that?" the pair asked back. "I mean, you're not getting much fieldwork done. Are you two, you know, maybe doing something you're not supposed to do?" "Absolutely not!" the Jim replied. " We are strictly co-workers" "Oh yes," the Sarah replied, " We hike all day, record our data, return back, and fall asleep exhausted. "That's right!" Jim replied, "and me in my tent, and she in hers!" The crew supervisor spent the remainder of the day in th e field with more...

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